Telling stories not often told in public

Having owned it in the financial world as a personal wealth expert, Samke Mhlongo has also made a name for herself as a reality star.

The Queens of Mzansi cast member has also published her own book titled Ringfence.

Inspired by events that took place in her life, Mhlongo penned the book to motivate others after her experiences of marrying young at 21 and her difficult divorce at 29.

The book follows The Belters – four women who navigate the high stakes world of the rich and famous.

We speak to the first-time author about her debut novel, her journey and what advice she has to part with other young men and women who have been stuck in a similarly dangerous positions.

What inspired you to write your book?

In 2015, a few months after my divorce, I was feeling absolutely downtrodden and I just needed to get myself out of the dark hole I was in. I started journalling and I kept feeling like it cannot be that everything I’ve gone through is for nothing.

So that very first entry, from which the book was born, is actually included in the book itself on page 385.

Your book is inspired by the real-life events of what you went through. How were you able to tap into the sensitive memories and bring them to life as you did in the book?

I think it was quite important to tell the stories that don’t often get told on a public platform. Especially from the view of women who are successful and seemingly beyond the reach of life’s troubles – the women that people don’t think are going through the same struggles.

I wanted to create a platform where it was OK for those women to start speaking about those troubles. Writing a story about my own life events, together with some of my closest friends, gave me the sense that I am giving us the permission to go through life’s problems without people gossiping about it.

What was the hardest part of the book to write and what did you learn from it?

Without a shadow of a doubt, it’s the rape scene with Qhayiya. I wrote that scene in a kind of trance, and I actually did not realise that what had happened to me was rape because I did not scream. So with Qhayiya, she questions whether she should scream and then die by public opinion or keep quiet and die by the businessman raping her. She decides that it would be easier to pick up the broken pieces of her spirit by being quiet and letting Peter bludgeon her to death over and over again the whole night.

In as much as the book warns women about the elite world they are in, are you shining a light on the many bad things men are doing in these spaces?

Men love this book! The genius in this book is that if you are reading it from the lens of a jaded woman you’ll think its vilifying you but what I did during August in Women’s Month when I had engagements with corporates, I showcased how these women are flawed.

With Junior and Qhayiya for instance, he’s very abusive to her but remember that Qhayiya took him in and she’s the breadwinner. He was cut off by his political family because he didn’t want to follow in their footsteps and he wanted to do art.

Dating Junior gives her a sense of belonging in his social group so men love that I have highlighted the depth of the pain caused by women’s words. Because those words don’t leave a physical bruise, men can’t go around saying look what you’ve done to us.

What three points of advice can you give to young men and women to create healthy boundaries so that these situations wouldn’t happen?

• It would be beneficial to work on your childhood trauma before entering into a relationship;
• Be honest about your expectations of that relationship; and
• Have the difficult conversations upfront.

Mhlongo will be holding a number of book signings which are part of her sharing additional support in terms of financial advisers and psychologists for those in need in Bedfordview and Mall of Africa on October 1 and Centurion Mall on October 2.

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