Doja Cat opens up about demons, addiction, mental health and self-hatred

Grammy Award-winning musician Doja Cat, born Amala Ratna Zandile Dlamini, has opened up about her past struggles with alcohol, drugs and mental health.

In a series of TikTok videos, Dlamini spoke about her history with addiction, the negative impacts of social media and the challenges of growing up in a predominantly white community.

She admitted to battling cocaine addiction and mental illness for years, although she said she had since moved past those struggles.

“I struggled with cocaine eight years ago, but I’m well past that,” Dlamini said. “Undiagnosed or unaddressed mental illness, paired with peer pressure and social media, is an extreme issue that a lot of us don’t fully understand.”

She also addressed claims that she is “demonic”, due to her dark aesthetic in music videos and controversial online behaviour, explaining that any negative or harmful behaviour was driven by substance abuse and social media pressure rather than actual evil.

“A lot of people on the internet believe I’m demonic, that I have evil in me,” she said. “If there’s anything good about that, it’s that I can teach you about demons and evil. If someone creates demonic scenarios or imagery, that person is usually combining alcohol, drugs, or addiction with the internet.”

Dlamini revealed that she used the internet to validate the negative thoughts in her head, which were fuelled by her struggles with alcohol and drug abuse. While clarifying that she was “never an alcoholic”, she admitted to having a serious problem with marijuana and alcohol.

Addressing long-standing accusations of self-hatred, Dlamini admitted that she did hate herself for a significant portion of her life, noting that it was obvious in her behaviour. She explained that those feelings began around the age of eight, after moving to a predominantly white suburban neighbourhood where she was one of only four black children.

“I hated myself since I was eight years old, when I moved to my predominantly white neighbourhood. I lived in the suburbs with a bunch of white kids who had pink skin, straight hair and blue eyes. I didn’t know why I was so different.”

However, growing up and processing those experiences helped her gain understanding. “I now have a direction to go in, as opposed to just sitting in my own filth and confusion,” she explained.

“As I’ve got older, I’ve come to enjoy the way my hair looks and feels. If you are going through anything like that, not understanding your blackness, feeling like you don’t fit in, or wanting to change, it gets better.”

She urged her followers to practice self-care, seek help when needed, and feel comfortable in their own skin.

“I don’t hate myself, I’m not racist, I’m not a white supremacist, and I’m not a Nazi,” Dlamini declared.

She warned her fans not to let negative online commentary destroy their self-esteem, pointing out that trolls were often projecting their own insecurities.

“If someone says you suck or that you’re worthless, you have to understand they could be talking about themselves, because the internet is a breeding ground for projection,” she said. “Before you write a comment, think about what you’re saying. Think about whether it’s a projection, be intentional with your words, and realise that not everything you read is true. Stay creative, take care of yourself, and remember you’re not indestructible.”

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