While various religions may differ in many aspects, what remains common is the principle of love being recognised and valued. The love between two individuals is often guided and protected by a set of rules which apply certain prohibitions until a point of marriage. These rules differ slightly from one religion to the next.
In Christianity, love is portrayed as a key attribute of God. As such, love for others is encouraged. The pursuit of romantic love is often guided by certain rules which are made in the best interests of the individuals. Young believers are encouraged to develop romantic relationships before marriage through courtship.
“Unlike traditional dating where the intentions are not always clear, courtship should always be pursued with the intention of marriage,” says Mduduzi Linganisa, a Johannesburg-based project administrator who has been married for for years and met his wife through courtship.
The process of courtship is based on the principles of commitment and accountability to the other individual by a trusted mentor. According to Linganisa, it is done with the intention to give the individuals space to ascertain themselves before committing to marriage. “Accountability assists with an ‘open door policy’ should any of the parties opt to leave the agreement.”
In traditional relationships, the presence of multiple expectations and sexual activity may lead to emotional distress and lack of commitment. This opens avenues to infidelity and dishonesty. However, through courtship, self-discipline is encouraged and both partners hold their relationship accountable to a mentor, pastor or their parents.
Linganisa believes that the principles of abstinence, self-control and accountability remain applicable to individuals who desire to pursue a courtship even though they may not be affiliated with any religious organisation. Ultimately, self-introspection is key for the success of any courtship.
“You need to clearly know yourself and what you are hoping to achieve. The most important question to ask yourself is whether you are willing to submit and commit yourself under the guidance of a mentor,” says Linganisa.
A look at Judaism
In the Jewish faith, love is one of the core commandments and it is central to the Torah. Judaism encourages love among human beings and particularly that one is to love their neighbour as they love themselves.
“The organising principle of Judaism is justice and the appropriate measure (Halacha). But love remains important. God created the world because He has love for us. The mere fact that there is life is an act of love,” says Rabbi Sa’ar Shaked of the Beit Emanuel Progressive Synagogue.
Like many other religions, the Jewish faith has laws which serve to guide and protect relationships. However, the laws according to Orthodox Judaism differ quite considerably in comparison to Progressive Judaism.
“Although match-making still exists in some traditional Jewish societies, young people in modern society have more freedom to choose and explore. The people who come to our synagogue in particular are modern and progressive so the youngsters have more freedom as far as their love and relationships are concerned,” he says.
Rabbi Sa’ar Shaked also emphasizes that there is indeed a wide scope of behaviours that are viewed as either appropriate or inappropriate in different Jewish communities.
“We progressive Jews are LGBTQI inclusive. The context is that people live in modern times and have agency. That is why some things are done differently. An example is how in the traditional Jewish society, it was of utmost importance to have a ceremony for the families of a young couple to meet so they can grant approval That is obviously of a little less importance today.”
Love in the Hindu Dharma
In the Hindu Dharma (commonly known as Hinduism), love is viewed as a sacrament. It exists as prema which refers to elevated love that requires one to give up selfishness and love without expecting anything in return. Hinduism preaches that “God is love” and encourages love, compassion and devotion.
According to Dr Lokesh Ramnath Maharajh, Chair of the Priests’ Council of the South African Hindu Maha Sabha, Hinduism is very clear as far as sexual relations outside of marriage are concerned.
“The Hindu Dharma does not associate sex with shame but considers it a positive aspect of human existence. What is discouraged in the Hindu Dharma is illicit sex and sex outside the bonds of marriage. Hindu Dharma considers illicit sex and adultery as a severe breach of dharma (righteous living). Marriage, in Hindu Dharma, is sacred and is a highly sanctified relationship.”
Couples may have either a love marriage or an arranged marriage. In love marriages, the couple chooses their partners rather than the parents (or elders). While many Hindus may have arranged marriages, the prospective couples usually have more agency in the match than they did historically. Furthermore, couples who are about to be married are encouraged to trust in their love and to not ill-treat their partner.
“It is important that young couples love to give and not to show. Their love should not be restricted to the physical only but should be mental too,” says Dr Maharajh.
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