Mother’s Day is in honour of the selfless and unconditional love of our maternal caregivers and guardians.
There is no doubt that our mothers are the most incredible human beings who are always on speed-dial during life’s humps and bumps.
To be given the opportunity to be a mother, whether biologically or through the process of adoption, is God’s special gift that is available for those with willing hearts.
Managing director of TLC Children’s Home in Kibler Park, Johannesburg, Pippa Jarvis, says the facility is the human heart in the adoption process.
“I believe that people are just hearts with legs. The same way you don’t go to home affairs and allow them to pick your spouse, with adoption it’s the same. The babies need to feel safe and the family needs to feel capable. We look at that as being our role.”
Jarvis and her team of caregivers look after children from birth to the age of three years.
They work in partnership with registered adoption agencies by overseeing the transition of the children into their new families.
“Our speciality is building trust between the baby and the family. We try to make sure that the babies learn to trust their new parents, especially when a baby has lost its birth parents,” she says.
“When the babies are in our care we present the child with relationships that are trustworthy. This is so that when the time comes to transition the baby is not shocked, triggering their traumatic past. We invite the families to come and build a trusting relationship and attachment with the child.”
The process of adoption can be hard on both the adoptive parents and the baby. As such, it is handled delicately.
Jarvis says their task is to ensure that the babies get everything they need, eliminating the possibility of any hiccups.
“Upon adoption, families go through a screening process to be vetted and [to determine] whether they are in an appropriate position to adopt a baby. We always advocate for family reunification but failing that we look for foster care and adoption families.”
The question of whether two parents are better than one can deter single adults from opening their hearts to adoption. However, being a single parent herself, Jarvis believes being single should not have a significant bearing on the decision to adopt as long as it serves the best interests of the baby.
“Single parents with a good support system can sometimes offer children superior care to parents who have different parenting strategies,” she says.
“I’m a single parent and I know that I could not have done it without the support of my siblings and the people of my community, who, when I am weak, are able to bring some strength.”
Jarvis believes that being a mother and parent to a child that is not your own is a special calling that has its own set of unique challenges but is equally rewarding.
“Most people think that they are ready for it but [adoption] is a very different thing. In adoption you really have to be willing to open your heart and your life to the unknown. You have to tell yourself that I am going to love this baby infinitely and that this love will heal whatever damage there might be.
“Being a mother means to have endless courage and kindness. That is so critical in your relationship when you are a mother. You can accept all manner of hurt, even when it’s coming from a place of the child being overwhelmed. Mothers have to absorb so much – but it takes courage not to take things personally.”
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