When it comes to discussions surrounding mental health, the well-being of our children tends to take second place. This hurdle is often created by parents’ inability to provide children with the professional psychological assistance they need.
Naturally, parents are often concerned with the appropriate age of the child to begin therapy as well as shifting roles from being a disciplinarian to a listener. These are challenges they may often face when they enter into the psychologist’s consulting room.
Hoping to bring a ray of light into the often misunderstood realm of child psychology is Prof Ramodungoane Tabane, the chair of the educational psychology department at Unisa. Tabane says the right age for a child to start therapy is when they are able to talk about their feelings.
“A child should begin as early as possible as long as at that age they comprehend what is going on. As early as seven years old, one can introduce the conversation about mental health and how to take care of yourself and to be happy.
“We introduce mental health with children by them talking with feelings. Terms such as sad, upset, angry, happy are child-friendly terms that we can relate to in the adult world as anxiety and depression.”
It is crucial that a parent knows their child at their best and when they are acting out of character, as this might point to a bigger issue that they might be going through. “When the child who is always opinionated suddenly does not have an opinion or the child is always crying for no particular reason that is cause for concern and parents should communicate with the child about it,” Tabane said.
He also suggests that parents be attentive to the frequency of this change in behaviour as this may help them connect the dots and uncover where the issue may stem from. “Is the child tearful in the morning when they have to go to school or when they have to do their homework? Is it possible that the child is being bullied or is depressed? These are questions parents should look deeper into.”
It is not uncommon for pupils to confide in their teachers, often seeking advice about sensitive family dilemmas or advice for when they find themselves in troubling situations.
Parents are encouraged to call on the help of the child’s life orientation teacher and the child’s class teacher who can be great allies to determine whether the child’s behaviour is persistent in a different environment. Sindiswa Malgas, a life orientation teacher at Minerva High School, oversees the physical, psychological and emotional support of her pupils.
“When the learners feel depressed or experience sadness this can lead to poor grades in their academics, and in extreme cases, alcohol and drug abuse,” she said.
Malgas says parents should welcome the feedback from their child’s teacher about their child’s behaviour, whether good or ugly. “Sometimes parents may be in denial of the real situation of their child and they needn’t be. It is to the benefit of the child when the educator works hand in hand with the parent.”
“If the need for a psychologist arises then we the educator, with the parent, would be able to give them a full report about the child, which makes the work easier for the psychologist,” said Malgas.
Similar to adult therapy, the initial acceptance and receiving of assistance from the therapist by the child and parent is crucial. Tabane says this initial buy-in is the parent and child both agreeing to the method of therapy from the psychologist.
“You cannot go and see a therapist where you already have a wall and where you are not seeing the value in what they are asking you to engage in.”
During the in-take interview is where the ground rules are set, with the participation of the child and parent. “The planning of the sessions is agreed upon with the input of the child. The psychologist reassures them that what will be spoken stays between them. He or she will give feedback to the parents as they are responsible for the child, and the child is present during the feedback,” said Tabane.
Ultimately, the child needs to see that all the people involved are there to help them and that there is nothing wrong with them. “Therapy exists for many reasons, such as self concept building and confidence. Mental health is about understanding yourself, understanding what gets you into a particular mood and how to get out of it in order to live a happier life.”
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