It’s been a challenging year of agoraphobia, DIY self-isolation meal plans and endless Zoom meetings. It’s no surprise that cabin fever has been creeping in with some fresh air much needed.
While we continue with our quarantine routines and safely wait for a vaccine jab, how about flirting with the idea of indulging in some rest and relaxation with a mini staycation?
Nestled in Johannesburg’s city centre, there is a hidden gem in the luxurious yet casual five-star haven, The Houghton Hotel. Exquisitely understated, the scenic oasis is a lifestyle resort in the middle of the hustle and bustle of Jozi. As someone looking to let down their hair but still meet deadlines, this was the perfect staycation.
On arrival on a scorching autumn morning, I’m welcomed by a self-check thermal scanner camera at the entrance that detects my facial temperature, not the mundane hand-held thermometer operated by a human being.
After doing the traditional sanitiser hand rub, the machine reveals that my body temperature is 36.5°C. I’m mesmerised and left wondering if a Morgan Freeman voice-over will next check me in, on some “welcome to the future” tip. This is my staycation, I can dream up whatever I want.
Walking into my spacious 48m² king suite, it feels like that heaven scene in Bruce Almighty when Jim Carrey meets God (Freeman). The crispy white, wrinkle-free bedding on the king bed salutes me in paradise. There is also the usual smart TV, Nespresso machine, mini fridge and minibar; where do I start?
But my favourite is the full en suite bathroom. I’m usually not a bath person, but I adore taking pictures in the bathtub. It’s Instagrammable. Call me the “bathfluencer” in nirvana.
What I cherish about the hotel is that it’s family- and child-friendly. You can relax at the House of Tshegofatso Spa. There is a private jacuzzi, heated pool, massage treatments and more. Heck, you can even try out the spa’s latest offering, vitamin IV drip treatments. It’s been a hectic first three months of the year. Recharge those fluids, vitamins and nutrients.
After conducting business, you can either loosen up at the FitBar gym or the 18-hole Houghton Golf Course revamped by the Jack Nicklaus design group. But my favourite is soaking up the sun in the outdoor pool area – a hit with Instagram enthusiasts, housewives and children.
The Pebbles restaurant nearby is the go-to eatery for all the fresh delights while you chill poolside. Disappointingly, the menu does not live up to the hype. The service is slow and the food is not worth the wait.
The over-the-top sushi rolls are uneventful. The signature crabtastic sushi with crab, avo, cream cheese and krewpie mayo looks yummy on paper, but there is not enough oomph in the mouth. The signature salmon crispy rice is flavourless and chewy. The sweet cocktail offerings including piña coladas, mojitos and frozen margaritas might arrive at a snail's pace but they still take you on a joyride. Safe to say lunch put a damper on things.
However, dinner at the SéJour restaurant was the saving grace and I’m still having sweet dreams about the mouthwatering treats. From the starter to the mains and dessert, the menu selection displayed young chef Freddie Dias's rich travel history.
The artisanal bread board is a delicious teaser of what you are about to experience. Do yourself a favour and order the citrus cured salmon on the starter menu. The portion size is perfect and the flavours will have your taste buds doing cartwheels. The crispy calamari is equally memorable.
From the duck and plum to the fillet and oxtail, not forgetting the line fish, the main course is worth every cent. The dessert menu, including a surprise marriage between strawberry and olives, will change your life. It’s the stuff to drag you out of self-isolation during a pandemic.
The next day I was served breakfast was at Nova Bistro still nursing a hangover after a night of grooving. The yummy babbalas buster smoothie – made out of banana, peanut butter and honey – was just what the doctor ordered.
Paired with the fresh smoked salmon bagel, because I don’t like a greasy egg breakfast, I felt rejuvenated. I had the renewed energy I needed for back-to-back virtual interviews in one of the comfy meeting rooms ... back to deadlines.
* Tjiya was a guest of The Houghton Hotel
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