Overwhelmed with anxiety and fear, 18-year-old Amanda* stood outside Barnato Park High School in Hillbrow with her friends, her matric statement in hand, not wanting to go home.
Amanda said she was too scared to take home the results she had received, fearing she would disappoint her entire family.
The matric results were announced on Monday evening, and Amanda was among the 900,000 pupils who sat for their grade 12 exams last year — the highest number in National Senior Certificate history.
Although she obtained a diploma pass, she still had reservations about her parents’ reaction.
“It was difficult studying for the exams because I didn’t believe in myself at all, and I didn’t have hope or faith that I was going to pass matric. Now that I have passed, I am not happy at all,” she said.
Amanda said the process has brought her anxiety because of the mounting pressure she experiences at home.
“I am not happy because I wasn’t expecting a diploma; I was expecting a bachelor’s pass. If I take this statement home, my family will not be happy at all because, compared to my cousins, they all get straight A’s, and I don’t even have one A on my statement.
“If I take this home, it will feel like a failure. I feel under a lot of pressure, and I am scared to go home with this statement,” she said.
Amanda said the reality only sank in on Tuesday morning when she saw her statement.
“When I checked last night, I was happy that I got a diploma, but when I looked at my statement, I was not happy. When I was studying for the exams, I felt weak and lazy. My family was happy last night that I passed, but I know they’ll be disappointed by the marks,” Amanda said.
Her future now feels uncertain, as she is unsure of what to do next.
“I don’t know where my future stands right now because I feel like universities will reject me. I have been thinking of going to college, but some colleges are very expensive, and my parents won’t be able to afford them. I’ve been thinking maybe I can take a gap year and work to save money, then go to college and pay for my own fees.
“I can’t even think of upgrading, although I want to, but who will pay for my fees? If I take this statement home and then ask my parents that I rewrite [the exams], I don’t think they’ll pay because they’ll be disappointed,” she said.
Meanwhile, 18-year-old Praise Balasi, also from the Barnato Park school, said he was pleased with his marks but had been expecting a bachelor’s pass.
“I got a diploma. I didn’t do well enough to get a bachelor’s, but it’s better than nothing because I did it. I was even happy that I did well in my preliminary exams, which I think boosted me to get the diploma,” he said.
Balasi said his next steps depend on whether universities accept him. He wants to study mechanical engineering.
“If I do get acceptance letters and I’m admitted to study, I will be very happy to focus on the career I want. But if it doesn’t go that route, then I can focus on getting a job so I can help my parents, because they both don’t work, and I can become a breadwinner instead of sitting at home and taking a gap year,” he said.
*Not her real name.
Sadag offers free, confidential, 24-hour support for pupils, parents and teachers nationwide, with trained counsellors available to provide emotional support and practical guidance through these channels:
- Telephone 0800-567-567 (24/7)
- WhatsApp chat 087-163-2030 (8am–5pm)
- SMS: Text “Help” to 31393 and a counsellor will call back.
