Do you shop in secret and hide things from your lover?

A woman walks through the door with a couple of online delivery boxes. To distract her partner, she holds up a broomstick and looks at it; her partner also looks up, wondering what she’s looking at, but he misses that she’s been shopping.

Thousands of people on social media have reposted this video. Funny, but the reality of secret shopping is crippling many families’ finances.

Let’s bring it closer to home.

“Credit confidence is a cornerstone of any healthy partnership.” — Afua Darko

How often do you shop in secret and hide things from your lover? How many times does your partner do this to you? You go shopping, and when you get home and realise that your lover is there, you leave your purchases in the car and fetch them later.

Don’t hide, I see you! You are sneaky! How does your partner’s behaviour make you feel? Do you know how your lover feels when you do that?

Chief executive of financial services company glu, Michele Jennings, says: “Financial security is one of the strongest foundations a couple can build. Not dependence, [but] choice.

“We talk a lot about love and partnership in relationships, but real togetherness also means taking responsibility for your financial security.

“When both partners are protected and confident about their finances, the relationship is built on choice, not dependence.”

A recent survey revealed that 64% of couples admit to being financially incompatible with their partner, even those in long-term relationships, with differing views on spending, saving and investing. Financial alignment isn’t just about numbers; it’s about communication, shared goals and building trust side by side.

“In South Africa, we’re raised on togetherness: ubuntu, community and sharing,” says Jennings. “Partnership means supporting each other, building together, dreaming together, but what is the most empowering thing you can bring to a relationship? Financial accountability, which leads to security.”

Financial incompatibility means there are conflicting attitudes toward spending, saving, and investing, and these often create tension and highlight deeper differences in financial values as a couple.

So, how financially compatible are you with your partner?

The 2025 DebtBusters Money-Stress Tracker highlights that “91% of respondents felt that money stress affected their home life”.

“This highlights just how crucial it is for couples to get on the same page about their finances,” says business head of Sanlam Credit Solutions Afua Darko.

“Credit confidence is a cornerstone of any healthy partnership,” she says. “Credit confidence is about knowing exactly where you stand financially and having a plan — so you can make informed decisions together. Couples [are encouraged] to have open conversations about money. It’s one of the most meaningful things you can do for your relationship.

“Credit scores are more enduringly sexy than six-packs - looks fade, [but] financial habits stick around.”

When you’re choosing someone to build a life with, their relationship with money matters just as much as the chemistry between you. A financially attractive partner isn’t about them earning the most — it’s about how they manage what they have.

“Financial responsibility isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being intentional,“ says Darko. ”When both partners understand their credit standing and are working towards goals, it strengthens not just their finances but also their relationship.

“[Financial well-being] is not about avoiding spending altogether, but about making conscious choices. Financial stress often comes not from one extravagant purchase but from small, unplanned expenses that pile up. By planning, you avoid the panic that leads to leaning on credit you can’t afford.”

When should you talk about credit and money?

“Before you need to,” says Darko. “Having honest conversations about money early on can prevent misunderstandings and conflict later. It’s not about judging each other’s financial past; it’s about understanding habits, goals, and attitudes towards money so you can plan together.

“If you are sneaking around with your spending because you know your partner won’t approve, that’s a red flag. Money problems don’t just cause arguments; they can slowly break down a relationship.“

“Taking care of your financial future makes your relationship even stronger,” says Jennings.

Darko shares tips on what makes a potential lover a great catch:

• They pay bills on time — consistency builds trust in money and in relationships.
• Know their credit score — awareness shows ownership of their financial life.
• Can talk about money without defensiveness — openness beats secrecy.
• Have goals, not just expenses — whether it’s saving for a car, a course, or a home.
• Live within their means — stability is more romantic than stress.