KENNETH DIOLE | We must build a supportive environment for the boy child

A few years ago, I participated in a project focused on mitigating gender-based violence (GBV) by breaking the cycle of trauma among young boys.

While analysing data during the 16 Days of Activism, a haunting trend emerged: a significant portion of those who committed violence had grown up in environments saturated by it.

For these individuals, violence was a primary language — a tool used to communicate love, anger, and despair, or to establish order even as it tore lives apart.

The data confirmed that those raised within this cycle were the most likely to perpetuate it, raising the next generation in similar or worse conditions. This brings us to a critical, often overlooked conversation: the “boy child” at the nexus of violence, neglect, and premature exhaustion.

To understand this better, our team engaged with a school in the Western Cape serving learners from low-income backgrounds. We observed that girls were significantly outperforming boys, a gap that was manifesting as early as the junior high school phases.

This led to the initiation of a pilot programme designed to identify the “pain points” causing these boys to fall behind. The findings were eye-opening. We found households surviving on R1,000 or less per person, endemic gangsterism, and a crushing sense of premature responsibility.

These boys felt a desperate need to step in — either to provide financially or to fill the void left by fathers who were incarcerated, deceased or absent. The pressure to “protect and provide” shifted their focus from the classroom to adult survival long before they were ready.

“A boy child who falls behind and is left to his own devices will soon become a man whom society fears and ostracises.”

—  Kenneth Diole

I remember one specific 13-year-old boy from our workshops. He was shy, quiet and perpetually tidying his appearance, as if he were constantly being watched.

His teachers described him as “well-behaved but troubled”. We later learnt that he had witnessed his father being gunned down right in front of him. This incident left him scarred and disillusioned. While he viewed his father as a hero who died protecting him, he was consumed by the injustice of the death.

Almost immediately, he felt the burden to anchor his family, forced into a state of “manhood” at an age when he should have been focused on his education.

This reflects a broader failure in our national conversation. We are not being honest about why the boy child is falling behind academically, as evidenced by recent matric results.

We cannot view a young boy through the same lens as a grown man; he is a child in formation. According to Stats SA, more than 70% of black children in SA grow up in fatherless households. This absence is critical during the teenage years, yet society continues to place an unfair burden on them.

Even well-meaning parents tell young sons: “You are the man of the house,” a sentiment that strips them of their childhood and leads to the high dropout rates seen in grades 10–12.

Department of basic education figures cite poor performance, financial strain, and disengagement as primary drivers for leaving school.

While behavioural factors like lack of discipline or classroom disruption are often blamed, we must move beyond echo chambers that dismiss poor performance as “just how boys are”.

This perspective ignores the deeper sociological context: a lack of positive role models, a dearth of extracurricular activities to build healthy habits and a high susceptibility to environmental pressures such as gangsterism or early labour.

Furthermore, many boys are punished based on assumptions of malice rather than an understanding of their trauma, leading to a profound sense of withdrawal.

This does not negate the challenges faced by girls, but it highlights a specific, escalating crisis facing our boys.

To address this, we must rebuild the social infrastructure in our townships and villages to ensure the healthy development of young men.

This includes the enforcement of bylaws — particularly regarding underage alcohol consumption — and the creation of effective gateways to vocational training for those who struggle within the traditional schooling system.

We must see young boys for what they truly are: children in need of guidance, reassurance and structured support. If we do not provide a healthy ecosystem for their development, we cannot be surprised when they struggle.

A boy child who falls behind and is left to his own devices will soon become a man whom society fears and ostracises.

• Diole is co-founder of YT Consulting Africa, a boutique research and advisory firm focusing on youth development in Africa