Norma Gigaba, this is a fight to win smart not violently

According to Wikipedia, "humiliation is the degradation of pride which creates shame or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It is an emotion felt by a person whose social status, either by force or willingly, has just decreased".

As a woman in SA, nothing will bring you to this point quicker than a man whose name you have screamed in moments of ecstasy.

Case in point, Norma Gigaba.

Humiliation is something best suffered in private when you are able to manage who and how your story goes out and when. When you are somewhat famous, that is not something the world affords you.

And as such, we have all stood witness for years as Norma Gigaba's husband continuously engaged in activities outside of their marriage that have embarrassed her.

We all stood by and watched, some of us laughed, as an alleged "side chick" ridiculed and basically insinuated that Norma was ugly calling her "Homonaledi".

Her husband had a masturbating video go viral and we watched as she took responsibility and shielded him from public scrutiny and shame.

Although I must say that I have no idea what is shameful about a person pleasuring themselves.

And after all that public humiliation, he has the nerve to have her arrested.

Although the news is still sketchy around Norma's arrest, the details that have emerged suggest that her husband had her arrested over a recently vandalised car and a pregnant side chick.

I have seen men and women, who have been in far trickier situations, laugh at Norma on social media.

As a South African woman, I understand the pain and suffering that many South African women have been through.

Earlier this year, I asked a friend of mine to please write a will to detail what she would need to happen to her children in case of her death or her incarceration. I was afraid she would do something to the father of her children.

I am writing this with her permission.

I asked that she do that because in the time leading up to that, I had started to see an overwhelming sense of anger reflected in her eyes every time I was with her.

Every single time I was with her I started to see that the many years of betrayal had started to catch up with her. She spoke of him with a calmness that was way too eerie.

My friend isn't someone who lets you know how she feels during a situation or just how affected she is. But as someone who has known her for years, I could see in her eyes a point of no return. I saw and felt, when she spoke, an overwhelming sense of anger and "gatvolness".

For years she had been the talk of the town.

Year after year as her partner fathered yet another child outside of their relationship, society had chosen to vilify her instead of her man. He had gotten free passes when she needed to gather strength just to be seen in public.

I was worried that she would kill him, slit his throat while he was sleeping or smother him with a pillow while he was drunk. Because that is what happens to women who go through public humiliation, first the sense to fight for what you believe is yours and then anger and eventually destruction.

But you can seldom destroy the man without causing yourself irreversible damage.

And when you reach the destruction phase, unfortunately is when you realise just how powerless you are as a woman who has chosen to stick by a powerful man.

I hope Norma rises above this just as my friend tries to. And if she happens to read this, I want her to know to carry on fighting, just with smarts instead of violence.