Can men be feminists? Are we as men threatened by feminists and the ideals feminism stands for? Is there something for us when we embrace feminism? And what feminism stands for, or there is nothing in it for us men?
Do not get me wrong, embracing feminism does not refer to men accepting it, or feminism needing men for it to be significant.
I think a sizeable number of men are indeed threatened by feminism and the women who espouse its values and principles. If we indeed are committed to fighting gender-based violence, misogyny and femicide - we should be committed into doing the work of understanding feminism.
That is part of the process, because then we will have a framework in which we can approach the ills that come with being a woman, as a consequent of patriarchy.
Often, men label feminists as bitter and angry women. This labeling is of course highly incorrect. In fact, if one considers how rife gender-based violence, femicide, inequality and toxic masculinity is, in our country and in the world, we should be feeling a bigger wrath than what we have seen women display.
The “bitterness and anger” referred to, would match the weight of their experience and be bigger than feminism. To therefore refer to feminists, whose call is a noble one - bitter and angry for advancing a school of thought that is premised on human rights - is a spit in the face.
We call women who espouse feminist ideals bitter and angry because their commitment to securing what is just and due to them, makes us uncomfortable. It shakes that which is unduly beneficial to us, by virtue of being born as men – patriarchy and its systematic benefits.
Feminism or feminist thought does not only leave women liberated; it liberates us too as men. Because it unshackles us from a lot of the baggage patriarchy has ascribed to us.
For instance, a lot of men’s sense of self-worth becomes diminished when they are unable to provide in their homes and they feel their role as the “head” of the household has been compromised. If we are to embrace feminist, which is broader than the simplistic notion that women want to take over - we too have a lot to gain.
We too will believe in equality and not the superiority of men, and thereby treat ourselves as normal human beings who have periods wherein they are unemployed and without an income - we too would be freed from toxicity of patriarchy.
At the core of what feminism stands for, is justice. I do not subscribe to the view that feminism is the hatred of men or those that believe that feminism aims to render men “useless” in our society.
If we as men are rendered useless or powerless as a consequent of women fighting for a just and equitable society, a society that does not place one gender above the other, a society that is systematically at odds with them, a society wherein the women’s role is not reduced to tending the home and nurturing kids, a society wherein women can walk without looking over their shoulder - then so be it, let us be rendered powerless.
The problem is the fact that our roles as men are deeply intertwined and attached to power, roles and principles that oppress women.
There are men who feel hard done by the notion of the women being liberated. As a result, they couch their hatred of this said liberation by pointing at what they consider to be the cause of women’s liberation – which is feminism; according to them. In fact, those that believe that feminism is wrong, are those that would want the status quo to remain.
Those that are nostalgic of the submissive women who have little to no awareness of the injustices of patriarchy.
They are challenged by the loud voices of women who choose to reject this status quo. Rejecting patriarchy means we are rejecting injustices not only against women, but against men too.
I think men who are threatened by feminism or feminists, are no different to sectors of our population who long for the days of apartheid. Because both are bed rocked in the degradation, oppression, disrespect and dehumanisation of another.
They are no different at all. Men cannot be feminists, because our experience of the world cannot wholly countenance the pain, trials and tribulations of their daily lives and allow us to be in the shoes of women.
However, I think we can be pro-feminist, we can be allies, because then we - as the perpetrators and those that uphold this system, can begin unraveling this system.
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