Ever felt like something in your relationship was a little off-ish? It’s not that there’s a huge issue to sort out necessarily. It’s that you just aren’t connecting the way you should and you know you both could do so much better.
If you’re wondering if your marriage needs better communication, here are six of many of the signs that let you know for sure and what you can do about it.
- If nothing seems to ever get resolved with your disagreements
A couple that continues to argue about the same things without a resolution in sight definitely needs better communication. It often means someone isn’t listening or isn’t expressing themselves clearly.
You can improve by setting rules of engagement with your partner. Prior to having a heart-to-heart with your spouse, determine what goes and what doesn’t. A few examples include promising to listen without interrupting or being solution focused instead of finger pointing. Establishing communication rules will help to keep both partners on track.
- If you’re not talking as much as you used to
There is just too much that happens in life and within a relationship that needs to be discussed. How you feel, what you need and why, must be shared with your partner. A couple whose marriage has gone silent will need to figure out why, because silence is not golden in marriage. How will you know where your partner is mentally, emotionally or spiritually if you aren’t talking like you used to?
You can improve in this area by starting small and then building back up to how you used to communicate. Breaking ground on small stuff like fixing your spouse tea, if you know that’s what they like, or giving them a foot rub may be what’s needed to break the ice.
- If the opposite of what’s being said is being done
If you or your spouse are saying one thing and doing something different, there is a possible disconnect in your communication. One thing we all have that people come to trust is our word. When it isn’t clear or doesn’t match our actions it affects our reputation and the amount of trust people will put in us, spouse included. Be careful with your words. Make sure you can support them with action.
You can improve by being clear and honest in your communication. It’s okay to say you don’t know, or to even ask for time to figure things out. Being truthful and doing what you say you will do will benefit your marriage significantly.
- If you’re more frustrated after the conversation, and every little thing turns bigger and out of control
Your marriage needs better communication and more understanding if every little thing is a trigger for you and your spouse. It may seem as though you’ve lost patience with one another.
You can get it back by remembering the love you have for your spouse. Also using the pause technique, which will remind you of the power there is in taking a moment, and biting your tongue during a disagreement. When you pause, you can process things better and determine why you’re so upset. This will also help you reconsider your actions to get the positive response you’re seeking before you respond negatively.
- If you’re not clarifying, acknowledging or validating…something’s wrong
In order for communication to improve in your relationship, you have to be willing to check these boxes. Clarifying helps you to be sure you’ve heard what you’ve heard. It’s important that you and your spouse are on the same page. Acknowledging what your spouse is saying and how they feel will help them feel safe about opening up. Validating it, even if you don’t agree or understand, is a display of compassion. It’s okay to say “I totally understand why you may feel this way”. That statement doesn’t make anyone right or wrong, it simply shows you understand their position.
- If things become consistently one-sided
This is a major breaker in many relationships. When one person in the relationship has the sole responsibility of controlling all lines of communication, all plans, and all decisions, it's time to pay attention. It may be that the controlling partner throws tantrums or panics or refuses to listen to the other. It may be that the idle partner has washed their hands of all responsibility.
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