“I’m in love with a married man”
When you choose to be someone’s makhwapheni, you become a nameless secret that cannot even take a mere selfie with him for social media publishing. You become the woman he texts in the dark and whenever he wants another sexual fix. You’re that woman his wife told him to delete off his phone and out of his life. You become an irritating fly that just won’t go away.
Now, he’s not an innocent victim in the picture. He’s in fact, a perpetrator – a selfish, immature, and most probably, a control freak of an imposter. He’s a conman that’s willing to risk the health of his wife, as well as a lifetime of possible true love and commitment all because of his unbridled hormonal adventures. He’s a grown boy who just happens to shave every now and then. And in our next column, we’ll address men.
Of course you believe you love him, and that he hates being with his wife, right? And yes, we get it, you’ve been together for some time now, and you’re both grown ups. But you’re most probably faithful to him, while, after brief stolen stints with you, he goes home to be with his real woman.
And there’s a real chance that you’re blocking other possibilities of awesome relationships because you’re obsessed with someone that isn’t obsessed about you. And no, he doesn’t love you at all. He’s just stringing you along for lustful purposes. And falling in love is a choice. It isn’t an automatic cosmic experience you can’t help. Meaning, you can choose to fall out of love with him if you want to.
Furthermore, he’ll never leave her… at least not for you, anyway. There is a reason why she is still his wife, and you are not. If he was going to leave her for you, he would have done so by now. Despite what he tells you, there is literally nothing that is forcing him to stay. He is with her by choice.
You have a choice
There are men out there that are single and ready to mingle – yes, even for your age. There are also men out there that have all the qualities you like without the extra baggage. And even if there were none available, it is better to be single than to settle for being a secret woman. And by the way, how do you think this triangle will actually end eventually anyway?
You are your parents’ daughter
Do you feel you deserve to be his secret dish on the side? Remembering who you are by treating yourself with dignity, pride and self-respect is an attractive trait. You deserve fireworks and butterflies from a guy that is all about you, just like his wife does. You should never have to be someone’s second choice.
Think about their children
Your caring nature as a woman ought to make you think about the countless and very adverse risks you’ll be putting their children into, should they separate because of your selfishness. Is it worth it? Do you care? Would you want for your child to grow up fatherless only because two adults refuse to act maturely?
You are dropping the ball on another woman
You have to feel at least a little guilty for what you’re doing behind another sister’s back. You can’t possibly be that heartless towards a fellow woman, especially over a selfish and immature man. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Forget the morality of it, what about the health hazard you’re all predisposed to? His wife believes she is in love with the perfect guy and that he is all about her. Finding out that is not the case would be devastating. And then imagine not just the heartbreak and the carnage, but her rage towards both of you. Is the risk of putting yourself in harm’s way worth it?
You are enabling bad behaviour
Guys play women like this only because they can get away with it. Women need to keep their expectations high and make clear that this stupidity is unacceptable.
Relationships born out of an affair don’t last
You may know of one or two marriages born out of infidelity that lasted, but they are exceptions. And even those suffered a great deal of trust and commitment deficit, because both partners know exactly how they got to be together. The rule is, such relationships are more likely to be dysfunctional, as he is more likely to do to you what he did with you. After all, if he was willing to abandon a committed partner, why should he not be willing to do so again with you?
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