If your type met you today and noticed you, would they go for you if you were both available? In other words, are you your type’s type?
Too often, we’re caught up in a selfish romantic trance when picking potential partners, as though we’re at a grocery store aisle trying to pick which brand of food we like. We have low-key delusions of grandeur so much so we assume that just because we crush on them, they too, must be crushing on us.
And perhaps there’s little wrong with that assumption. But much of the issue arises when we’d reject others – who may be much better quality matches for us – on the basis that they’re simply not “my type”. And how we often describe a “type” is largely on superficial grounds…stuff that’ll have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the quality of the relationship.
If you have dated several of one “type” without long-term success or are dissatisfied with the depth of relationship, it may be time you expand your horizons. It may be that the people you have identified as your type, don't really see you as their type.
When we pigeonhole ourselves with a certain type, we miss out on many people and opportunities that might actually be a better fit than what we assume is right for us. Ask yourself, “how has going after 'my type' worked for me so far?” If the answer is negative, then it may perhaps be time for you to start thinking outside the box you’ve limited yourself into.
The day you stop obsessing about your type, is the day you’d stop being superficial and start appreciating people for who they are, outside the box you pigeonhole them into. It’s futile to maintain a “type” you’d date when those types keep disappointing you and you’re still alone.
Isn’t it time you perhaps start dating outside your "type", and freeing yourself from your self-imposed prison. Get out of that bubble. Don’t miss out on a potentially awesome, satisfying and lifelong relationship just because you feel the other person is not your “type”.
Actually, we doubt there’s such a thing as a “type” in dating in the first place. We believe it’s a myth. It keeps changing based on your current stage of self-awareness, and your life experiences. It’s also based on other people’s experiences of romantic love. It isn’t constant. Have you noticed how different your exes all are when you put them in one basket?
Physical appearance is very important. Truth is, all of us have some level of shallowness that causes us to view looks as an important quality when choosing a partner. Physical appearance, as the first point of attraction, does matter…very much. However, looks go beyond just finding a person attractive.
When you meet someone you’re physically attracted to, close your eyes and try to look beyond what you can see. Tap and engage with their essence: their values, purpose and life goals as well as their character. The overwhelming majority of what true love is, goes further than just what the eye can see. Compatibility is superficial if it doesn’t tap into each other’s essence. It has to go far beyond common interests.
In the end, we want partners who have positive qualities. However, the qualities we often specifically list don’t actually have special predictive power for us. In other words, you may say you like people who are primarily funny, smart, and tall…but if you go on a date with someone who’s not really any of those things but is kind, thoughtful, and emotionally available, you may find yourself just as into them.
Having a type should be about understanding the qualities that make us compatible with someone else, not just selfishly listing the qualities we want. Actually, the concept of a “type” is superficial if it’s not defined by purpose, character and values. When it comes to a satisfying romantic relationship, the partnership you build is more important than the partner you pick.
Whatever your preferences have been up to this point, you may want to reconsider your screening process, and recognise that dating someone who isn't your typical type can be quite beneficial. In fact, it can be the key to developing the meaningful, fulfilling and lifelong relationship you desire but are searching for in a certain pigeonhole.
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