A one-size-fits-all time-frame for when you ought to be ready to transition from your dating relationship to a greater commitment like marriage doesn’t exist. Couples enter into relationships at different ages and stages of their lives for various reasons.
However, evaluating how well you know your partner, your relationship certainty, what you’re expecting marriage will do to your relationship, and what you see as the current and anticipated quality of the relationship could be more useful ways to judge if it’s truly time to take the plunge.
However, instead of focusing on how long you’ve been dating, we advise that you consider the following few of numerous possibilities.
What’s holding him back?
There certainly are issues that make him to either rule marriage out or shelve it. Are these worth addressing, accepting or rejecting? Is the timing an issue? Open communication is the key nonetheless.
There are many possibilities why he’s comfortable with just a dating relationship with you. Some may have nothing to do with you and others may be totally about you. It may be that he’s not ready, either due to other responsibilities like black tax or simply isn’t where he’d like to be in his career. It could be that he feels he needs to have his character at a certain level first before tying himself to someone else in marriage.
Some guys won’t propose because he feels you’re not “the one”. As such he may be stringing you along until he meets the one he sees as his marriage material. Sorry, it’s quite possible! He could just be still with you because he actually likes you and has grown accustomed to your company, but that doesn’t mean he wants to marry you. There may be something wrong you’re doing – in your character and behaviour, but you may also be doing everything right.
It’s also possible that due to the fact that you’re already living with him as a married couple, he sees no need to marry you. He already has all the benefits of a married man, so why should he “complicate” things by formalising the relationship into a long-term commitment. He sees no incentive in getting married. Who needs a cow when you can get the milk without owning one?
He has questions about you and the future together
When women ask their boyfriends, “When are we getting married?” And the guy says, “I’m not quite ready”. It often means there’s something he needs before he proposes.
In some cases these men may need more time to evaluate you; more experiences with you; or needs clearer ideas of what it will mean being married to you. The key to navigate this journey is listening.
Quite often, women who feel like they’ve reached or long passed the marriage stage, and want a more profound commitment, tend to jump the gun and don’t listen. Their feelings take over, and they’re unable to have an open and transparent conversation with their partner.
He feels inadequate
This may sound weird. Your man won’t propose because he’s afraid he’s not enough for you. This is either due to you being too demanding of his time, being too jealous, and or placing pressure on him for your happiness.
However, this may also be caused by his upbringing where he wasn’t given enough love, attention, or praise. Self-esteem issues are at the root here.
He’s not sure he wants to marry into your family
When you marry someone, you don’t just marry them, you marry their family. It’s quite possible that he isn’t proposing because he’s seen too many red flags in your family. It may be that your parents are too nosey, or you’re too attached to your mother or father, or he doesn’t get along with one of your very close family member.
Working with hundreds of couples, we’ve heard stories of countless couples who struggle to get married until the issue of the family was resolved. How you personally manage this situation can be the determining factor.
He has commitment-phobia
For many men, marriage is scary. The more significant commitment, legally binding contract, and potential demand to litigate if the relationship ends, makes some men resistant to the marriage. It could be fear of what happens if the marriage ends, or it could be a fear of committing on a deeper level.
It could also be that he’s afraid because he, his family, friends and or colleague had disastrous divorces. The fear of marriage may not mean he’s afraid of going deep with you, but it could signal that he’s worried about what happens if doesn’t work out.
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