One of the serious challenges SA faces is that of the disintegration of the family unit which results in unruly children with no direction and hope for the future. The recent bullying incident at a Limpopo school which led to the suicide of Lufuno Mavhunga is a case in point.
It goes without saying that a child who can visit so much violence and emotional pain on another is a reflection and extension of a dysfunctional home. After all, charity begins at home. The breakdown of discipline in homes and schools is cause for concern as it renders the future uncertain.
When parents have no clue about what parenting entails, then a recipe for dysfunction is set up. The scourge of “kids from hell” which render our schools as havens for bullies, gangsters and murderers is not an accident of nature but a product of a lack of proper nurturing by adults who want and work for only the best for their children.
It is important for children to get a proper upbringing ideally by two parents in a loving relationship. However, the rampant scourge of teenage pregnancy is most prevalent and militates against all the foundations of normal parent-child relationships. In the first instance, a teenager who gives birth to a child is herself a child who still needs nurturing in order to mature into adulthood.
By becoming a parent at an early age, the child is thrown into a world which she is not ready for and the unplanned child has to bear the brunt of the wrong choices of the teenage mother.
According to the American psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, human personality develops in a predetermined order through eight stages of psychosocial development from infancy to adulthood. He argues that since infants are entirely dependent on adults, they will experience feelings of trust if they receive consistent care and stability from environments created by adults in their lives.
Should such care be absent or inconsistent, they will develop feelings of suspicion and anxiety which will lead to general mistrust. They will then start their lives in unfavourable conditions of fear instead of hope. It is clear that children are not born with a predisposition for disobedience. Instead, children are taught to obey.
This inspirational poem by the American writer Dorothy Law Nolte is apposite,
Children Learn What They Live:
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence
If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient
If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love
If children live with approval, they learn to love themselves
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and others
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live
When children go astray, one should always look for what the Canadian physician Gabor Mate refers to as “early adversity” which entails stress, mistreatment and particularly childhood abuse that children may experience which may render them susceptible to aberrations such as drug addiction. In giving perspective to the age-old “nature versus nurture” debate, Mate opines that “In the real world there is no nature versus nurture argument, only an infinitely complex and moment-by-moment interaction between genetic and environmental factors.” There is not much that anyone can do to shape the direction of the genes that children inherit mainly from their parents.
However, parents can and should ensure that they create conducive environments where their children can experience the warmth and love of family to ensure that they get proper foundations to reach for their dreams and ultimately become the best they can be. For this to happen, the cycle of broken homes and poor parenting has to be broken so that a new cycle can begin. To this end, there needs to be a drive to fight and eliminate the corrosive scourge of teenage pregnancy. Society has to come together to declare this scourge a deadly enemy to our nationhood alongside corruption and other undesirables. Girls should be taught to appreciate their worth as human beings and about the disadvantages and dangers of falling pregnant while still young.
The blesser/blessee phenomenon should be called out for the evil it is that of old men preying on vulnerable girls young enough to be their children. The subject of sex should be tackled with the necessary tact at both the home and school to ensure children are equipped with knowledge to guide their choices. To ensure that SA’s hope for the future is restored there is a need to prioritise the skill of parenting in order to save our children lest there be no future to talk of.
• Lee is a Sowetan reader and a social commentator
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.