Now you see them, now you don’t! Maybe you like magic tricks, but when a person disappears and then comes back only to leave and reappear again, it’s frustrating, not entertaining. Even though they may not be a magician, they’re still going to be cagey about their disappearance and reappearance.
Often, they reappear when – to their disappointment – they've discovered that the person they left you for is far from the “perfect picture” that attracted them in the first place. They come back because they've realised that, though you're not perfect, you're a rare breed with flaws they're used to.
Yet still, their narcissism won't allow them to commit to you permanently. They'll string you along with false hope. They also come back to stroke their ego since – in their mind - you're the lowest hanging fruit and a comfort zone (they can leave and return to as they please).
Furthermore:
They could be two-timing you
The reason you’re not their priority could be that you’re not the only person in their life. Yes, they’re probably cheating, but can’t meet the demands of time. Hence they can only accommodate you in shifts of months in-between.
They could just be stringing you along while looking for the “right one”. It’s possible that they don’t consider you someone they can settle down for. And while they’re looking elsewhere, they’re happy to string you along.
If he is good with words, he will keep you in limbo. You won’t be in a relationship, and you won’t be single either. He will give you the illusion that you two have a true connection. He will give you his attention, and he will be super nice to you when you are alone.
They could be having commitment-phobia
For many diverse reasons, some people are scared of settling down with one person they’ll commit to for the rest of their lives. While they may like having you around, they won’t commit to you necessarily. They may be fearing that a relationship will trap them and limit all their freedoms. It could also be trust issues, their family background, or their sheer immaturity.
They could be feeling things move too fast for them
Some people like having things move at a slower pace than others. While they don’t mind a relationship, and may quite like you, they could be sensing a level of desperation that scares them.
They could be unsure about how they feel about you
They may want to be in a relationship with you one day and decide against it the next day only because he is unsure about how he feels for you. Their uncertainty should be reason enough to not hope for their commitment because they aren’t settled about what they actually want from you. And this is even scarier than telling you on your face that you’re an option to them and that they aren’t really looking to commit to you.
Our general attitude on a partner that appears and disappears in and out of your life over and over is that, they are generally not looking to form anything permanent with you. Of course, there are exceptions to everything. But they don't always come back because they've been missing you, or have changed their mind about you.
Don't be impressed by their return next time. Rather than being drunk in love again, determine if they’re really worth your time. What are the chances that they’ll disappear again? Will you be able to handle it?
Even if you decide to give them yet another chance, you’re still owe it to yourself to put your walls up, as well as set and affirm clear non-negotiable boundaries in your relationship.
Don’t act as if nothing happened
We know many people, especially women, who are afraid to ask the big questions or to say how they are really feeling. They worry that if they don’t hold back, he’ll just leave again. We’ve even seen few dating coaches recommending that if you really like the guy, just act like “nothing happened”, as you’ll only create drama and chase him away.
Well, to that we say good riddance!
Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust, communication, authenticity and integrity. Acting like nothing happened, like it didn’t hurt when this guy just vanished without a word, is not authentic to a healthy relationship.
Whatever the reason for their disappearance, to simply vanish without communication and muster enough courage to reappear at will, is a very high form of disrespect.
Even if you see signs that they “love” you, how does that matter if you can't count on them to stay? Anyway, isn't your self-worth more important than chasing shadows? And don't you think that, by allowing them in and out of your life at will thereby wasting years of your fragile life, you're also blocking opportunities of meeting someone authentic, with good intentions?
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