As men, it is about time that we realise the consequences of referring to women as “our women” and how we commit to protecting “our women” against all forms of abuse.
The increasing number of gender-based violence and femicide (GBVF) cases involving couples has got me wondering if this problem can’t be attributed to these “owners” now discarding their “objects” they no longer need.
I am certain that many men will argue that referring to women as “our women” and vowing to protect them at all cost is meant to demonstrate good intentions. One cannot disassociate the entitlement that comes with the usage of “our women” to continue seeing women as objects for men.
There has been horrifying stories of women who lost their lives in the hands of their lovers, the same people who referred to them as theirs, who vowed to protect them at all costs.
The murder of a 23-year-old University of Fort Hare law student, Nosicelo Mtebeni in the month dedicated to celebrating women in such a gruesome way can be described as an act of spiting on all efforts of the women who marched to Pretoria in 1956. Sadly, the murder of Mtebeni, allegedly in the hands of her boyfriend, was not the only case reported this month dedicated to celebrating women. The alleged murderer who is in police custody has, according to the National Prosecuting Authority (NPA), confessed to the horrific murder, saying he did it because she cheated on him.
The bravery displayed by Sophie de Bruyn, Lilian Ngoyi, Helen Joseph, Rahima Moosa and 20,000 other women in 1956 when they marched to the Union Buildings was a demonstration that women don’t need men to be complete. Even today women continue to play an indispensable role in shaping our country’s political, economic and social trajectory. Women continue to demonstrate that they don’t need men for them to make a meaningful contribution in our society.
As we continue the battle against the Covid-19 pandemic, studies have demonstrated that women are the worst affected in society. This is simply because women are primary care givers in the societal structure. Even before the pandemic, women had been exposed to the unequal burden of social, cultural and economic ills.
Despite these challenges faced by women, they remain at the forefront of social movements in all spheres of society, fighting for equality and justice for all, just as they have since that historic march to the Union Buildings in 1956. A lot of women are at the forefront of the Covid-19 crisis, as healthcare workers, caregivers, innovators and community organisers.
Women continue doing this amazing work without being dependent on men to hold their hands. Why should it be that when it comes to their safety then men should protect them? Women do not need to be “ours” for them to reach their full potential.
As men, we need to stop hurting and killing women so that we will not have the burden of “protecting our women”. Women are killed by men who feel that they own them and therefore have powers to decide how they should live their lives and when they should die. We urgently need to realise that women do not exist at our mercy.
To build an equal society in the future, we need to teach boys that they are not superior to girls. Boys need to be taught and always reminded that they are equal human beings with girls. Whatever that we teach boys will determine the type of men they will become in the future.
We need to equally raise girls to be independent individuals who can realise their dreams on their own. We have a responsibility of raising women of the future who will not need affirmation and protection from their self-acclaimed owners, men.
Gents, the horrific murders of women will not end until we (men) who are the perpetrators put an end to it. We don’t own women! They are not our objects that we can use and discard as and when we feel like.
• Lebotha is a Gauteng government communicator.
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