There is a statement often repeated, that in SA, a woman is more likely to be a victim of abuse than she is to become a graduate. It might sound alarmist but looking at the country’s crime statistics, it is not too difficult to see the rationale behind it.
Consider that according to the minister of police, Bheki Cele, in the very brief period from July 1 to September 30 2021, at least 9,556 people rapes were reported, with women being the majority of those raped.
It is important to note that rape and sexual violence is grossly under-reported in SA, so the real number of women who were violated in this manner is undoubtedly higher. But these statistics speak only to rape. Women experience other forms of crime, including, but not limited to, domestic violence. And very often, these crimes too are not reported. It is for this reason that when a woman comes out about being abused, the natural reaction for many of us is to believe her.
In a heteronormative patriarchal society where the system is already rigged against women and where we receive minimal support on issues of abuse, it is difficult to speak out. As a woman, you would not only be contending with a legal system that has repeatedly failed women, but with a culture of victim-blaming and shaming that permeates both in the home as well as in other agencies of socialisation.
And so, the choice to come out is effectively a decision to subject oneself to derision, mockery and secondary victimisation.
This is why when Unathi Nkayi’s contract was terminated by Kaya 949 and news came out that she had laid a complaint of verbal abuse against Kaya Drive host Sizwe Dhlomo, my immediate reaction was that she was being punished for speaking out – as many women before her had been.
But it was soon confirmed that Nkayi, not Dhlomo, had been the aggressor, and worse than this, that she had intentionally lied about Dhlomo verbally abusing her. The material evidence proving Nkayi’s lie was so irrefutable that the station had to fire her.
There are people who argue that being a woman in a high-pressure environment got to Nkayi and as such, we must extend a degree of compassion towards her. They characterise her actions as nothing more than the explosion of pent-up emotions, as nothing more than the snapping of a woman who has likely endured much suffering in an industry that is notoriously sexist and chauvinistic.
And while I believe this to be true of some situations, I don’t accept that this is what happened with Nkayi. I cannot accept that even at her lowest, she could be so irresponsible. It is immeasurably difficult to reconcile with the idea that in the context of SA with high levels of gender-based violence, we should be accepting of women who make false claims about being victims of abuse.
It is not only a heinous thing to do to the person being falsely accused, who is effectively marked with a scarlet letter, but it delegitimises the real stories of abuse and makes women even more afraid to speak out against real abusers.
When a woman lies about being abused, she makes it easy for the world that is already anti-women to say to genuine victims: “You are lying just as that woman lied too.” And when this happens, women are silenced and forced to reside in shadows of fear and hopelessness.
This is a reality to which those who cry wolf condemn every other woman. And this is what makes lying about abuse unforgivable.
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.