Why are boys and men so angry, and what are the repercussions for such behaviour in our society? As we observe the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children, we need to interrogate this intolerable behaviour that we experience on a daily basis. We are all well aware of the anger and the rage, yet nobody is held accountable. As long as it doesn’t end in a physical altercation (God forbid), nothing is done. There is a serious lack of accountability.
If you have ever travelled by bus or by a taxi – especially by taxi – you are likely to have experienced the wrath of an angry taxi driver who either asked you or one of the other passengers to get off his taxi for a number of reasons, which includes, but is not limited to: not having change for R200 in the early hours of the morning; for unintentionally closing the taxi door roughly or even for replying rudely to the bile spewed by the taxi driver.
As a generation that is quick to whip out our phones to record these scenes that make us uncertain content producers, we are ready to go live on our social media platforms and show the world what is going on in our immediate spaces. If we have no data at the time, we will record the video and share it as our earliest convenience.
Only a handful would stand up and challenge the taxi driver, fearing becoming the victim of the same fate, which will result in being late for work or an appointment. We watch, murmur and probably blame him or her for standing up for themselves.
We have also made it normal for boys and men to throw their toys around, and get away with it. We also have parents who are tolerating their sons at home shouting at them and speaking at the top of their voices when things are not going their way. The parents will even go as far as blaming this anger on the absence of their father. Some even blame themselves of their children’s or husband’s uncalled-for behaviour, who reduce them to nothing.
In the world of social media, anger travels at a speed of light.
In his published seminal work, Thomas J Harbin in Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men in 2000, postulates this in the prologue: The social media age has proven “perversely liberating” for angry men. “They don’t have to deal with the consequences of angry diatribes and don’t have to fear retribution”.
He further says, “They can say whatever they want to whoever they want, and get away with it. They can rant and rave, call people names, make false statements about people, start or contribute to rumours, and sometimes ruin lives – and forget all about it when they walk away from the screen.”
The above describes the behaviour of the unruly and unreasonable taxi driver who swears at passengers. This kind of behaviour is categorised as manly in some parts of our country. We are scared of men who behave like this. Some men go as far as embarrassing other men at the tavern or club after a few drinks gives them the guts to be violent.
Given the scourge of gender-based violence in our country, it is no secret that men are more physically aggressive than women, and that men tend to be more verbally aggressive than women. It is this rage that is uncontrollable in men that we need to nib in the butt.
This behaviour is cowardly and shows how sickly we are as men in our country.
We have laws that recognise and punish physical aggression. We discourage such behaviour and label it unacceptable. However, we still need to find suitable punishment for the yelling and screaming at passengers, family or co-workers or other people. The behaviour is equally unacceptable.
We are making strides in ensuring that we do not condone any previously acceptable conduct of anger by boys and men. But are we doing enough? Verbal abuse is still abuse, and it violates a person’s rights. It is intimidating and embarrassing.
Let us have a society that encourages accountability of our actions. Perhaps the boys and men in our society will then stop reacting impulsively and angrily towards others. “One of the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness is deciding which battles are worth fighting and which are not,” Harbin wrote.
Perhaps the solution to the anger that boys and men have lies in knowing the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness.
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