A couple that prays together, stays together
We’ve always dismissed this adage as just another cool statement but that has no factual basis. This is especially so because people in our days replace the word, “prays” with anything from exercise, work, studies, and everything else a couple can do together. As such, the adage is easily dismissible as just another saying.
However, having been praying together and for one another for years, there’s no better New Year’s wish we can give you than this one.
Actually, there have been numerous research exercises, even scholarly articles, that in fact establish the factual basis of this statement. The positive and long-lasting impact of praying together as a couple is validated by research material aplenty. Having a shared ritual of prayer and/or meditation firmly embedded in your common value system as a couple, has enormous benefits for your marriage.
The most comprehensive study by The Pew Research Center concludes that a couple that shares the same religion, goes to the same church or synagogue or mosque, worships together and shares the same spiritual passion in service of others significantly reduces their chances of divorce.
In general, couples that are consistent in prayer together have more happiness, greater stability, and a deeper sense of shared meaning.
Praying together as a couple serves important functions and will influence your marriage in various ways, including as a time of family togetherness and interaction; as a space for social support; and as a means for developing interdependence in your marriage. Furthermore, it involves individual issues and concerns as well as those of yourselves as a couple; helps reduce relational tensions; provides feelings of connectedness, unity, and bonding.
Praying together offers the following other benefits.
Humility
Humility is the opposite of pride. Pride is simply believing and feeling that “my way is best, no matter who it impacts”. It’s a false sense of importance that convinces you that you’re all-sufficient and really need nobody. But when you’re humbled, your heart is open to change and growth. And when we pray, we demonstrate that we don’t know everything and therefore don’t have answers to everything. It’s hard to be judgmental and argumentative when you’re in that posture because prayer not only removes selfishness but it also displays your humanity and its frailties.
Encourages unity
As you petition and say your prayers together routinely as a couple, you do so as a team and are reminding yourselves that you are on the same side. You develop trust in one another, and grow your faith as a team. Team players have common goals and direction. When you pray together, you reinforce those goals and that connection. You are also naturally aligning your hearts as a couple for one shared hope and outcome.
Being other-focused
Praying for your partner can increase relational commitment, and predict relational success. Spending time talking and praying together about issues and concerns helps you see life and your spouse’s concerns differently. A partner-focused petitionary prayer is linked to both relational satisfaction and deepened commitment. Petitionary prayer is praying in one’s own fashion and language for assistance with specific needs, as opposed to rote, memorised prayer.
Praying – not just together, but for one another in each other’s presence – not only strengthens your commitment but also increases intimacy and cements your trust in the relationship. Praying together about your struggles and worries also helps you both know how to better pray for each other throughout the week because you get to know each other better. And prayer provides insight on how to help and love each other better, too.
Vulnerability and grace
Prayer, whether you’re confessing something, petitioning or are requesting faith, strength and wisdom to handle a massive project or attain a certain goal, allows you to be vulnerable with each other. It also allows you to show forgiveness and grace towards each other. It may feel counter-intuitive but that vulnerability can also strengthen the love and affection you feel for one another.
Trust and intimacy
Intimacy is built on trust, and trust is built on how you respond to being vulnerable with each other. Praying together helps you show and receive trust that strengthens the bonds of intimacy in your relationship, and reduces behaviours that damage trust, such as infidelity. It’s easier, and in fact natural, to develop friendship with one another.
Forgiveness and reconciliation
Joint prayer can be a powerful mediation tool that leads couples to be more forgiving of each other. Again, when you assume a humble posture, your heart softens and opens up to understanding instead of accusing. Prayer has a calming effect. It soothes emotions and helps angry souls resolve conflicts easier. When you open up a hard conversation – and or seal it – with prayer, and when you pray through the hurt together, then you’re on the road to forgiveness.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that prayer does not substitute conflict resolution.
May your marriage and family prosper in 2022.
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