No-one should have a disrespectful partner, especially in marriage, and nobody has the right to be so. It’s even worse when your spouse disrespects you in public. It’s humiliating, shameful, cringeworthy and highly embarrassing. It’s also abusive, undermining, hurtful and unacceptable.
Being publicly put down by the person that’s supposed to love and protect you is highly demoralising in marriage. Some partners may even be demotivated to make public appearances in any social setting.
If you have been married to your spouse for any length of time, depending on how assertive they are, you must be conscious of some of the major behaviours towards your spouse you should stay away from in public. We’re probably all guilty of saying something unkind or thoughtless to our partners in front of others.
So, we developed a list of some general examples of some of the most disrespectful behaviour to avoid against your partner in public.
Stop disrespecting your spouse to, or in front of, your relatives or friends
Your family and friends are people you generally feel no need to have your guard up as you know each other so deeply. Hence, the conversations are almost always no holds barred, and that could include talking about your spouse. Comfortability, not malice necessarily, could be the reason why you say obnoxious things about your spouse or to your spouse in front of your friends and relatives. Oh, you could be malicious too. You could be an immature, narcissistic douchebag who has no concept of boundaries, nor consideration of your spouse’s feelings. Either way, stop it!
Stop criticising your spouse to others
Being critical of your spouse publicly or to others not only hurts their reputation, but it damages whatever respect others have for you too. It paints a picture of your unfaithfulness and discontent in your marriage. Is also conveys that your marriage is not a safe place for your spouse to be themselves. Public criticism of your spouse is a power play and a punishment you arrogantly display to them, and speaks of someone who gets away with murder – with no repercussions.
Stop using social media to vent about your marriage
There’s a place for “venting” in any relationship, but that place is not social media. If you air your dirty laundry in an open and general forum, under any circumstances, you’ll only hurt your marriage and destroy any sense of trust that may still remain between you and your spouse.
“Venting” is not about broadcasting your negative thoughts to a general audience. Instead, it’s a method of “de-briefing” with intimate supporters whom you trust. It should be done with one or two people who understand your situation and who have some kind of personal interest in the emotions you’re expressing. The purpose is to get your feelings out in the open so that you can take a second look at them, view them more impersonally, and evaluate them.
Stop constantly correcting or contradicting your spouse
When your spouse is telling a story, stop interrupting to inject missing parts or correct mistakes. It demeans them. If they don’t tell the story the way you would, so what? Look for opportunities to honour and help them save face in public, rather than wanting to feed your hunger for correctness. Give them their space. You teach people how to treat and respect your spouse by how you treat them (your spouse) in public. Have your spouse's back. Protect in public, and correct in private.
Stop making your spouse the punch line
Teasing is an important tool in building healthy relationships. However, teasing your spouse in public is just not funny, especially if they’ve asserted their displeasure. Continuing in this behaviour belittles your spouse and suggests that you don’t care, even if you do. At some point, your spouse and others have to wonder, Are the jokes really jokes?
Stop checking out people who aren’t your spouse
You may have heard that, “I can look at the menu as long as I don’t order.” That’s faulty thinking. Your wandering eyes and careless words may cause your spouse to feel insecure, inadequate and without value. It’s not only degrading to your spouse, but it also opens a door to physical infidelity and misleads the other person into thinking that you’re fair game.
In conclusion, when you display these behaviours to your spouse in public to their disapproval, you not only change the whole mood – affecting the whole social gathering – but you also bring a level of awkwardness to the setting. Your persistence with them also unfairly forces people to take sides in your toxicity and disrespect, a posture that they shouldn’t be subjected to in the first place.
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