It is very clear that we want to raise boys that can clean after themselves and cook for themselves. We live in a society that strongly believes that these are basic life skills and not gender roles.
As we gear up to celebrate International Women’s Day on March 8, I hope we realise that our goal to achieve gender equality for a sustainable future also means girls have to learn that being financially stable is not a gender role.
In her book titled We Should All be Feminist, Chimananda Ngozi Adichie opines: “Gender matters everywhere in the world. And I would like today to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world. A fairer world. A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: We must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently.”
We are a people that suffer from selective amnesia. We look at the world today with the zeal and urgency to fix everything that is unfair towards girls and women and we don’t pay any attention to how that may affect the boys and men. The inequalities and the imbalances of today (even though some were orchestrated) are a result of a time when labour was intense and it required a gender that was physically stronger to carry out the tasks. Employment was gender.
The mines and the other workplaces were more suitable for men, thus most women would be at home to cook, clean and look after children. It made sense because of the physically demanding jobs of yesteryears. But today, we have more opportunities and better equipment in the mines that females can use with ease. As a result, a man cannot make an excuse for not being able to cook, look after children, and do any other house chores.
If we are moving away from the traditional ways of doing things, let us not encourage boys and men to change their ways. We should teach heterosexual women that financial responsibility in the house is not a gender role. Women too should look after the house financially. I can already hear someone who believes that their ability to provide financially is what makes them “a real man” (whatever that means). Well, to be able to put bread on the table at home is commendable.
However, it is not all that it takes to be a man. Furthermore, it would be women who argue that it is a man’s job to take care of me. We quickly forget that the men and women who lived in a time where men went to make money, and women were left at home to do all the invaluable chores, did that due to circumstances. It was not what defined them, it is what the state of the affairs dictated.
Every other week, I spend time shaping how boys are socialised. We have a platform that we have created to ensure that we educate the boys about the kind of men the world would like to have from their generation. It is not just about the chores they carry out at home. It is also about how they respond to situations emotionally and otherwise.
We also make them aware that they are most likely to live in an equal and inclusive world. This would be a society where boys and girls, women and men have equal opportunities and they are not discriminated against because of their gender or sexuality.
Nevertheless, an equal world is one where we balance what we do on the left, with what we do on the right. Lest we want to make everyone believe that boys and men are the only ones who require fixing and everything about girls and women is perfectly fine.
I will be the first one to acknowledge that we live in a world that favours boys and men more. It does not mean it doesn’t support girls, women, and their ambitions. It does, and this should also lead to correcting the contentions they have. Nobody is saying that girls must now emulate boys. Yet, it would be a more equal world if we make a resolution to fix both girls and boys.
As we ensure that boys go to the kitchen to prepare their meals and know how to turn the washing machine knob to quick-wash or full-wash, we should equally ensure that girls know that paying the bill when they are out with their boyfriends is okay. Later on, they will become women who also know that paying for the house bills is not a crime. It is equally their responsibility.
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