Marriage can be the best thing that can ever happen to a couple when both of them want to be in it. We believe any couple has a 100% chance of success if they do marriage God’s way.
There’s tons of scholarly work that concludes that marriage is good for one’s mental health. Some of the fascinating and compelling research suggests that married people enjoy better health than single people.
For example, compared with singles, married people tend to: live longer; have fewer strokes and heart attacks; have a lower chance of becoming depressed; be less likely to have advanced cancer at the time of diagnosis and more likely to survive cancer for a longer period of time; and survive a major operation more often.
Of course this doesn’t mean that just being married automatically provides these health benefits. And the above obviously applies to healthy marriages.
Marital status can correlate with your mental health. When you share your life with someone it normally entails sharing a lot of the same habits, and that in and of itself can significantly impact the health outcomes for both of you. In addition, having a stable partner who can act as an emotional and social support net can also significantly impact your health in positive ways.
While a lot of the health effects are positive, sometimes marriage can actually affect your health for the worse. People in stressful, unhappy marriages may be worse off than a single person who is surrounded by supportive and caring friends, family, and loved ones. People in toxic and dysfunctional marriages are worse off than they were while single. They suffer severe mental health disorders that affect their general day-to-day wellbeing.
The day you got married, you didn’t just marry a person, you married their history too. You married their experiences, disappointments and traumas – which along with the positive aspects and layers of their history – form the totality of who you fell in love with. This means, however old they are, that’s how many years of history you married.
Old wounds have many ways of stealing into relationships. Truth is, the past does impact our present on a daily basis, whether it's in how we approach certain situations or how we emotionally react to what people say. As couples, we activate one another’s trauma responses, expose our attachment styles and carry into marriage some toxic traits that may affect our partners’ mental health.
That’s why caring for your marriage should be a part of your daily healthy lifestyle. The following are some habits we recommend you maintain for a sound mind in marriage:
Self-awareness – maintain an acute awareness of who you are even as you develop as a person. Knowing yourself, not just in terms of identity, but also your nuances, toxic traits and trauma responses can enable you to self-govern your behaviour and self-check your emotions.
Self-care – mental health improves when we understand our emotional makeup and tend to our emotional needs. For instance, you may be an introvert who refuels by being alone. And your spouse, an extrovert who refuels by being with people. Don’t suffocate each other. Give one another space to be yourselves, and tend to your emotional needs.
Ask if they need anything – something as simple as asking your spouse if there's anything you can do for them shows you’re thinking of them. Sure, you may instinctively do some things without asking, but actually checking if they need anything on a regular basis can be a powerful way to connect.
Play together – marriage is work, but it's also supposed to be fun. Try doing something playful together regularly. It's the key to keeping your marriage healthy. Play by trying new experiences together, being silly and goofy together and playing actual games together. A little playtime won’t only improve your connection together, but will increase your overall wellbeing and reduce stress.
Regular and deliberate communication – if you want to keep your marriage healthy, it's essential that you schedule deliberate and regular time to talk without distractions like your phone, television or even the kids. Even if you feel like you and your spouse are relatively open with one another, asking about their emotional state or that project, can make a big difference. You may as well do this while taking a walk together or on your date nights.
The space to vent – part of healthy communication should be allowing each other space to freely speak your hearts without being disrespectful, demeaning or destructively critical of one another. Managing this balance is key. While we do not encourage venting everything on your mind in the name of openness, you have to allow one another room to vent negative feelings with filter. Uncensored venting destroys marriages. But responsible or filtered venting where you each express what's weighing heavily on your mind is maturity. This allows you to leave at the door the mask you wear for the world and just feel comfort, support and understanding from your spouse.
Pray together – even if you believe in meditation rather than prayer, make a habit of connecting spiritually. Praying together regularly allows you to eavesdrop on your spouse’s deepest cares, and positions you to help meet their needs, and ultimately build intimacy.
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.