There is a need for a World Suicide Prevention Day each year on September 10. For some it may seem morbid, while for others it is just another awareness initiative. But for too many, suicide is personal.
You may have lost someone you love in this manner. Or you yourself may be struggling with thoughts of ending your life.
Death by “suicide” is more accurately described as dying from a psychiatric disease. Mental illness can be fatal if left untreated and we need only refer to suicide-related statistics to realise the magnitude of this plague in SA.
According to the World Health Organisation, SA is ranked 10th on the list of international countries with the highest suicide rates, while the SA Depression and Anxiety Group reports 23 deaths by suicide per day.
For each person who dies by suicide in our country, 10 others attempt to end their lives. Up to nine out of 10 people who die by suicide in SA suffered from a mental health disease such as depression. If we take a look at these facts, it becomes almost absurd that we still regard mental illness and thoughts of self-harm and the act of causing self-death as shameful and abnormal.
But this is still how mental illness and particularly suicide are viewed. Perhaps if we were able to really understand what it feels like to be so terribly sad, empty, hopeless, worthless and guilty that you would rather end your life than suffer through another hour, perhaps then we would create safe spaces for those who feel suicidal to express how they feel.
It is only through connection and communication that we can provide the right support at the right time to save lives.
There are many descriptions of what it feels like to be so ill that death seems the only cure and these vary across cultures and countries.
The metaphor I find most disturbing is when depressed patients describe feeling “nothing”. How terrifying it must be. No hope, no joy, no excitement, not even sadness or fear. Just nothing. And no matter what you do, you just feel nothing.
How horrifying it must be to hug someone you love or have to get up each morning and go to school or work and have to paint on a smile and chat about the weekend while you are feeling nothing. I can only imagine the desperation to feel something. Anything.
Something that stands out as a common theme among all of these metaphors is this: if a monster is following you around, nobody wants to come near you. If you are gasping for breath and swallowing water drowning in the sea – there is nobody around to save you. If you float through your days in a bubble of nothingness – you are alone.
The antidote to suicidality is connection. It is listening to someone who is struggling, terrified of drowning. It is being brave enough to enter nothingness and to realise that you too could horrifyingly easily feel empty. We cannot do it alone and we cannot do it without experts.
But the first step is to shout or speak or whisper: “Hello. I’m here. I’ll get help.” Without fear or judgment or discrimination but with the deep understanding that being human is a treacherous thing. And recalling the times when a safe, strong hand reached out to pull us away from danger.
What makes us human is our vulnerability to diseases of the body and mind. And what makes us human is our willingness to see our own vulnerabilities in others. I will reach out and help you because I too have needed help.
Let us be the solid ground to tether those who are floating away. And when we find ourselves drowning or adrift – let us too reach past emptiness to touch the outstretched hands of those who are here for us. But to be rescued, you have to grab hold of the hand stretched out toward you.
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