Let’s all imagine a world where every boy child or young man had someone who simply stayed beyond the weekend. Who did not just provide them with a motivational talk.
In 2016, I began a journey with a group of boys. At the time, they were teenagers trying to make sense of the world. Today, nearly a decade later, those same boys are young men in their mid- to late twenties.
I am turning 35, which has proven to be enough for me to play the role of a big brother, mentor, and sometimes simply someone who listens.
When we started, something as simple as talking about their dating lives felt uncomfortable for them. The conversations were guarded. They were cautious about what they could say or reveal.
“Real change in men or boys cannot happen through symbolic gestures or occasional gatherings.”
— Kabelo Chabalala
Today, that has completely changed.
Now they openly share the things that matter in their lives, from anticipated breakups, relationship challenges, career ambitions, plans for postgraduate studies, and the kind of families and marriages they hope to build one day.
These are not surface-level conversations. They are honest, sometimes difficult reflections about becoming responsible men in a complicated world.
This transformation did not happen overnight. It happened because of something simple but powerful: consistent time together.
For nearly 10 years, we have met deliberately, at least twice a month. We have created a space where young men can think out loud, challenge each other, and hold each other accountable. Over time, trust formed. Through that trust came influence.
Nobody can convince me otherwise that consistent engagement with young men over years yields better results than one-off interventions.
In the beginning, some of these boys did not even fully understand what consent meant, what healthy relationships looked like, or what responsibility required of them. Today, many of them have become ambassadors of better behaviour among their peers.
They challenge their friends. They question toxic norms. They think carefully about the lives they want to build. That is the power of long-term mentorship.
SA continues to grapple with serious social challenges: gender-based violence, fractured families, and a growing concern that the boy child is neglected or misunderstood.
Some argue that men are not receiving the guidance they need, while others feel that society has lost patience with men altogether.
But the truth is this: real change in men or boys cannot happen through symbolic gestures or occasional gatherings.
It will not come from a single seminar at a school. It will not come from a one-off conference in a fancy convention centre. It certainly will not come from a motivational talk around a fire during a weekend retreat.
Those moments may inspire. But inspiration alone does not transform behaviour. Transformation requires proximity, patience, and repetition.
It requires showing up again and again, month after month, year after year. It requires building spaces where young men can grow, make mistakes, reflect, and correct themselves without shame but with accountability.
This is what the Young Men Movement has attempted to do. Born in a rural community, it is a social development platform built on the belief that if we walk with young men long enough, they will begin to walk differently. Over time, that belief has proven itself.
If SA is serious about addressing the crises linked to masculinity, violence, and broken social structures, then we must invest in long-term mentorship ecosystems for boys and young men.
We must stop treating transformation as an event and start understanding it as a process.
- Chabalala is a founder, author, and senior mentor at the Young Men Movement NPO.
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