ANZIO JACOBS & SNEKE ALUTA | Stop teaching girls to survive what society should prevent

Every August, SA celebrates the strength of its women. We speak of resilience, courage and sacrifice. We praise women for holding families and communities together under difficult circumstances.

These tributes are well-intentioned. Too often, though, we celebrate women and girls for carrying burdens that should never have been placed on them.

Through the Nelson Mandela Children’s Fund’s Girl Power Project Against Violence, we engaged more than 17,000 women and girls in 2025/26. They speak about unsafe streets and transport, harassment at school, violence in their communities, and abuse in digital spaces.

There is another, less visible burden in these accounts. From an early age, girls are made to feel responsible for preventing the violence that may be inflicted upon them.

They are told to be careful about where they go, what they wear, how they speak, whom they trust and what they share online. They learn to change their routes, restrict their movements and constantly assess the behaviour of others. Their safety becomes something they are expected to manage.

When harm occurs, attention too easily turns to the girl’s choices. Why was she there? Why did she trust that person? Why did she share the photograph? Why did she not report it sooner?

We should rather be asking: Who created the conditions in which this harm was possible? Which adult, institution or system failed to act? And what must change to prevent another child from being harmed?

The girls participating in the Girl Power Project show remarkable insight into the dangers around them. They understand power, coercion and risk with a sophistication no child should need to acquire so young.

However, a girl who knows how to avoid danger is not necessarily empowered. She may simply have learned that the systems around her cannot be trusted to protect her.

We cannot place a girl in an unsafe environment, teach her how to navigate it, and call the outcome “empowerment”. The responsibility must extend beyond the child.

Safety is not a solo project. We therefore take an intersectional approach that recognises the link between children’s safety and the wellbeing of their families.

In schools, we have strengthened reporting pathways, including My Safety Plan, which supports children living with autism to report violence and equips teachers to respond. In Limpopo, a WhatsApp reporting platform recorded 253 cases by March 2026. Research in KwaZulu-Natal found that 42% of surveyed children identified schools as their primary source of support, highlighting the critical role of teachers and schools.

Online platforms offer young people opportunities to learn, connect and express themselves, but they can also expose girls to harassment, coercion, stalking, threats and the non-consensual sharing of intimate images. Once again, the dominant response is often to tell girls to be more careful: strengthen privacy settings, share less, block offenders and stay away from certain spaces.

Technology companies must make child safety a fundamental part of product design. Harmful content must be reported and removed quickly. Perpetrators must face meaningful consequences. Parents, teachers and children need reporting mechanisms that are accessible, responsive and easy to understand.

When institutions fall short, women frequently fill the gap. Mothers monitor devices and worry about journeys to and from school. Female teachers become counsellors and first responders. Women-led community organisations support survivors, educate families and intervene where formal systems have failed.

However, women should not have to compensate endlessly for failures in public safety, education, justice and technology. Nor should we praise them for their strength while leaving the conditions that demand such strength unchanged.

That is why Women’s Month must be more than a celebration of resilience. It must also be a demand for accountability.

Honouring women means ensuring that schools have functioning safeguarding systems, that survivors can report violence without being blamed or dismissed, and that institutions act before harm occurs − not only after a tragedy attracts public attention.

Most importantly, it means listening to girls. The Girl Power Project recognises girls as people with knowledge, opinions and the right to participate in decisions affecting their lives.

Girls should certainly be encouraged to know their rights, use their voices and claim their power. But their freedom should not depend on their ability to anticipate every danger.

This Women’s Month, let us celebrate courage. But let us also ask why so much courage is required simply to move through the world. A girl’s safety is not a reward for being vigilant, obedient, or resilient. It is her right and our collective responsibility.

• Jacobs & Aluta are with the Child Safety and Protection Unit at the Nelson Mandela Children’s Fund