“I’m the king of the world!” I want to stand in the middle of a crowded room, arms stretched outwards, and yell it from the top of my lungs, like Jack in Titanic. I’m in love AGAIN. A love so sweet I want to jump on a couch and treat it like a trampoline, à la Tom Cruise on The Oprah Winfrey Show before declaring his love for Katie Holmes.
It’s my most intense love affair — destructive, overwhelming, exhilarating, and passionate. The occasional butterflies in my tummy unleash a fluttering feeling of desire that I never thought I would encounter again. Cupid, the Roman god of love, and his arrow have struck. Sleepless nights, check! Inexplicable joy, check! Make You Feel My Love by Adele on repeat, check! The attraction is so faint that Venus, the Roman goddess of love, has me wearing her fave colour — red — for this Ed’s letter. I guess you want to know their name? Fashion.
I’ve fallen madly in love with fashion again and it’s because menswear, at long last, is speaking a feminine language, fluently. Sure, retail is still playing catch-up, but runways and red carpets have over the past two years challenged what it means to be a man by embracing feminine cuts, lightweight sheer fabrics, ruffled details, flowy trains, and platform heels. The soft and gentle touch of fabric on my skin has left an unexplainable feeling. I feel sexier and more comfortable — that soothing breeze from wearing skirts while overheating on hot days is summertime magic. All of this has reignited my wardrobe and style to make it fun, chic, and fresh.
The road to finding this love was not easy. Sure, I’ve always regarded gender as socially constructed. But my real awakening happened over a year ago on an SMag photoshoot. In a conversation with stylist Sahil Harilal he suggested that I stop shopping by gender, after we’d bonded over our frustration with the uninspiring men’s section in retail. Such an approach excited me as much as it petrified me. The truth is that the gendering of clothing is one capitalist tool that benefits profit and creates impossible body standards.
Finding the courage and confidence took more time. My self-image had also taken a knock. I was uncomfortable with how my body looked, so in the same period I had moved more towards loose-fitting and boxy cuts to cover up. If I was going to play with halternecks, crop tops and short-shorts, I needed to serve body. The gym was the next stop.
Fashion in the 2020s has turned into a joke, with meme-worthy and gimmicky theatrics dominating runways. What fashion is getting right is menswear tapping into inherent femininity. Anthony Vaccarello at Saint Laurent has been a revelation.
The Saint Laurent men’s spring 2024 show blurred the line between its mens- and womenswear collections. I adored that fluidity, which inspired my Durban July look last month. It was love at first sight when I found — in the women’s section of my fave online store — a 3D floral halterneck top with an organza bow. It was well received by the attendees, mainly because many found me brave for pushing boundaries.
A woman, presumably in her 40s, called me to her table (it was that time of the day when everyone was lit). She asked to take a picture with me, but what warmed my heart was when she proceeded to give me a motherly pep talk. “You are amazing, don’t ever stop being you and don’t let the world change you,” she said, staring into my eyes as though she could see into my soul. I swear, she didn’t blink. I’ve no choice but to continue on this contrarian journey. Check it out online in episode two of SMag’s newly launched vlog 5Ws + 1H.
Relax, I’m not campaigning for the erasure of binary fashion and masculine style. I’m calling for more fashion choices for men that go beyond what is the traditional men’s dress code. No, men do not wish to become women. Let’s embrace some tenderness to challenge the idea of “manliness”. How does a man in a skirt threaten masculinity? Ten points to anyone who can answer this.
While I wait for a response, welcome to our third annual Women of the Year issue. The six great women handpicked to anchor this edition capture and reflect the power of femininity. That is not to say powerful women can’t exude masculine qualities — and vice versa. Through their wisdom, passion, drive, and being their authentic selves, they inspire us. They are Lerato Kganyago, Itumeleng Monale, Lulama Wolf, Nombulelo Sepeng, Babalwa Latsha, and Nompumelelo Nkosi.
