Former SMag cover star Nompumelelo Nkosi and sweetheart Ayanda Chiya’s umembeso was nothing short of magical.
THE MEETING
Nompumelelo: I went to drop off my cousins at church last year February and when I got there, the pastor asked me to stay for 10 minutes. When I entered the church, I saw Ayanda’s three-year-old son and said to myself, “Who is this cute boy?”
When I looked up to see who was cheering him on, I laid my eyes on Ayanda. I was like, “Oh damn, that’s my family.” I left without speaking to her because I had to come back to Joburg, but I kept thinking about Ayanda. Luckily, something was happening at home that week, and I had to fly back to Durban.
When I got there, people from the church came to my home, and there she was. After the service, I asked for her number, but she told me to ask the pastor. I went to the pastor, and he said no. Even my mom spoke to the pastor, and he still said no. But I knew her name and searched for her on Instagram … the rest is history.
Ayanda: It was the first time I was asked out by a girl. I remember telling a friend that a girl was asking me out, but she said, “You don’t know her.” So, I checked her out on Instagram. I saw that she cooks and has a huge following. Being the reserved person that I am, I wasn’t comfortable with that. I had my concerns — firstly, she’s a girl and, secondly, she’s in the limelight — but I told myself, “Let me try it out.” I don’t regret it one bit.
THE DATING LIFE
Nompumelelo: I think we’re still dating because during the first few weeks of us dating, I told her, “It’s going to seem so wrong to everyone if I were to marry you tomorrow, but that’s my plan.” I believed she was the one. I had never dated someone who was brave enough to tell their parents about me, especially given that Ayanda had never dated a girl before.
She took that step in July last year — it solidified everything and made her stand out from everyone I’ve dated, which made me believe that I had to do right by her by marrying her.
THE LIGHTBULB MOMENT
Nompumelelo: I love how funny she is; we laugh until we cry — it’s a feeling that I want forever. We also pray together. Between the praying and the laughing, I knew that was my person.
Ayanda: It was the way she reassured me. She tells me she loves me every day and I love how considerate she is. She’s very kind and her family is too loving. I knew she was the one.
THE PROPOSAL
Nompumelelo: As a Zulu person, lobola is technically the traditional way of proposing. Before I asked her to marry me, I had to go through her family. I then sent a letter to her family in November. I knew I wasn’t going to propose before our traditional umembeso because I am a very shy person and I didn’t want to kneel down in front of a lot of people. We had our ring fittings in Joburg.
I started searching for different types of proposals on TikTok. I then lied and told her I had a dream of us praying on the beach. I asked a videographer friend to follow me and take footage of the whole thing. I went to the car to fetch the rings. She told me she wanted to take off her doek, but I convinced her to leave it on because I was thinking of the content. I knelt down but didn’t say “Will you marry me.”
She just started laughing and we both laughed. But she saw it was a serious moment since there was a videographer there. The following day we had our traditional umembeso.
UMEMBESO
Ayanda: I was stressed out most of the time, but I’m glad the day went well. The expectations that I had were met, I loved seeing our families come together, and our friends were there. We both looked so beautiful that day and the décor was on point.
Nompumelelo: We held the umembeso at Ayanda’s home. That day wouldn’t be as beautiful as you see it in pictures if it weren’t for our patience, love, and resilience. God was good and our ancestors were on our side because there was nothing that was challenging leading up to that day, besides us being overwhelmed by the time apart, but when we finally saw each other, it was worth the wait.
Our umembeso was so beautiful, people even think it’s our wedding but we are not done yet. For our white wedding, I think we will have it in Cape Town or Joburg with about 50 guests. Our umembeso had so many people, so we’d like to keep the white wedding as intimate as possible.
THE DRESS
Ayanda: Wedding gowns are super expensive. So, I chose to hire a dress that I found at a boutique in Midrand. I went for my fittings with our son and was happy with it; I didn’t need a second fitting. I realised how beautiful the dress looked worn with an umhlonipho [shawl worn by brides] so, because I wanted to still be respectful to her family, I chose to wear a veil that covered my shoulders. It turned out so beautifully and I loved it.
