Broadcaster Mapaseka Mokwele steps into author mode with her debut book, Intimate You: Your Relationship Pocketbook, a heartfelt guide to building healthier relationships.
This month of love, she chats to Sowetan about why self-work is the foundation for everlasting romance and why courageous conversations are key to creating thriving partnerships — like the one she shares with her husband, Thabo “T-Bose” Mokwele.
What was the inspiration behind Intimate You: Your Relationship Pocketbook?
I had been asked for years to write a book, but it never felt right. Late last year, it finally did. I realised I couldn’t talk about relationships without first talking about self. That’s why the book begins with self-awareness and growth before exploring other relationship dynamics.
The title suggests self-love before loving others. Is that so?
Absolutely. How do you give someone else the right way if you don’t know yourself? Everything begins with you. If you’re not comfortable and happy with who you are, you end up affecting every other relationship around you.
How was the book launch?
It was amazing — I’m still buzzing. People came ready to talk about love, which was beautiful to see. Ntombi Meso emceed the evening and then T-Bose interviewed me for about 45 minutes. We had a really comfortable conversation about the book and its purpose. After that, I went live on air in front of the audience, which was absolutely fun.
You and T-Bose are now both authors. How does that feel?
We never planned to be authors — it just happened naturally. We’re blessed and grateful. Having T-Bose walk the journey with me made such a difference. There were moments when I doubted what I wrote and I would ask him, “What are you hearing?” He would reassure me, “You’re still fine. You’re still on track.” Walking the self-publishing journey together made it even more special.
Take us through the four pillars the book is built around.
The four pillars are choice, honesty, awareness and intention — which T-Bose pointed out form the acronym Chia. Choice is the quiet daily decision to show up. Even in marriage, you wake up every day and choose each other. Honesty is telling yourself the truth about what you feel and need before sharing it with anyone else. Awareness means understanding your patterns, triggers and wounds. Intention is choosing how you love rather than reacting out of habit.
What lessons did you learn from writing and self-publishing?
I learnt not to underestimate my ideas. What might seem small to me can really resonate with someone else. I also learnt that my voice matters beyond radio. I chose to self-publish to make the book affordable so people can buy it for themselves or for a friend who might need it.
What makes marriage work?
Marriage is everyday work. Every day, you choose your partner. You have to accept that neither partner is perfect. The expectation of perfection causes strain. Focus on what you love about each other and work on it consistently. Marriage has shown the beauty of partnership — being with someone like-minded who understands me and wants the best for me.
Which chapters resonated most with T-Bose?
He resonated with Does 50/50 Work?, The Art of Active Listening and Empathy, and the chapter on supporting each other’s goals and aspirations.
The book includes reflection sections. Why was that important?
I designed the book as a mirror. After each section, there’s a “pause and apply” segment where I ask questions to encourage honest self-reflection without judgment. Emotional baggage is like carrying everything you’ve used each day in one bag — it gets heavy. These sections help readers declutter emotionally and track personal growth.
Will there be another book?
Yes. It will likely still focus on relationships, maybe exploring dynamics like blended families or navigating in-laws.
