WATCH | How to spot signs of social isolation in teens

Irritability, sudden anger, changes in sleep patterns or appetite, and a loss of motivation.

If your teenage child is showing some of these signs, they could be socially isolating and silently crying out for help.

But an expert warns that many teenagers are good at hiding their emotions, making it hard for parents, guardians and teachers, among others, to realise what they are going through.

“Whereas with others, you might start to see that they become irritable, easily angered, and [there are] changes in sleep and decreased or increased appetite, [and have] low motivation. They may joke around about being alone - that is that attempt of trying to mask how they actually are feeling,” warns educational psychologist Rivendri Govender.

“Some of them may downplay their feelings because, remember, social isolation doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long, drawn-out, slow process. In that process, this teenager becomes so used to that feeling that when you ask them how they’re feeling, they downplay the fact that they actually are not OK.

“The biggest signs out there is that they stop trying. They stop reaching out. They stop caring. They stop believing that connection is possible because all the time they’ve told themselves … that nobody cares. [They think to themselves], ‘I’ve been fine on my own’, not realising that help is available. They have taught themselves to believe that they’re fine on their own and there is no need to care.”

Govender was speaking during the SA Depression and Anxiety Group’s (Sadag) Ask the Expert session on Friday as part of Teen Suicide Prevention Week, which ended on Saturday.

To raise awareness about teen suicides, Sadag launched campaigned Silalele (We hear you) and visited various schools to talk to pupils and teachers.

Importantly, it was to drive a message that there is help available and there’s someone who will listen.

“This powerful call to action urges parents, teachers, caregivers and friends to listen without judgement, create safe spaces for conversation, and support teens who may be at risk,” said Sadag’s project manager for education, Roshni Parbhoo-Seetha.

Research, the organisation said, shows that nearly one in five high school pupils have attempted suicide at least once, further showing that “around 24% of youth in Grades 8 to 11 report prolonged feelings of depression and hopelessness - key risk factors linked to suicidal thoughts and behaviour”.

“These statistics represent real young lives and families. Too many teens tell us they do not feel heard or taken seriously. We Hear You – Silalele is about creating spaces where teens feel genuinely listened to, without judgement.

“We know that undiagnosed or untreated depression is a leading cause of teen suicide. Knowing the warning signs and encouraging teens to speak to a trusted adult, teacher, school counsellor, or family member can help save a life,” said Parbhoo-Seetha.

Govender said teachers can play a positive role in pupils’ lives.

“In a schooling environment, there will be a specific teacher a child gravitates toward. Different teachers have that role with different students and you’ll start to see that conversational elements start to come in with the teacher asking, ‘How’s your day, how are you doing?’.

“You’ll see that the child may start to unknowingly realise that they are comfortable engaging in conversation with this teacher, or with the deputy principal, or the school counsellor, or the cleaner. That’s how you know that this person truly and authentically cares for who you are and your well-being.”

She advises teenagers to start a conversation by saying they’re not feeling OK.

You may feel like this person is going to judge you, but I can guarantee you, somebody who becomes an educator or somebody who works towards helping and enhancing the well-being of a child, is not doing that to judge a person. They’re doing this because they care

—  Educational psychologist Rivendri Govender

“It’s one step at a time. You may feel like this person is going to judge you, but I can guarantee you, somebody who becomes an educator or somebody who works towards helping and enhancing the well-being of a child, is not doing that to judge a person. They’re doing this because they care,” said Govender.

“You may say to them, do not tell my parents, and unfortunately, that may not be a promise that that teacher can keep, but remember, they’re doing that to act in your best interest. In order to heal from lack of social connection and the feeling of suicidal ideation, support needs to be all around. Your teacher will support you at school. They will help ensure that you receive the necessary support at home as well.

“Them telling your parents is not breaking your trust. It’s them acting in your best interest as a child. As educators and people who work in the schooling environment, we need to remember that teenagers are more likely to respond when they feel heard, not corrected.

“Validate those feelings and don’t correct how they’re feeling. [If you correct them], you’re never going to hear from them again. They’re never going to open up. Them starting to open up and take that first step is that extreme form of bravery to say, something is not right. Validate that and ask them how they would like to go forward, and support them in that process as well.”

Govender said social media also plays a role, as it makes teenagers compare themselves to others.

“Teens today are living in a tough world. Even though they are more connected online than ever, many struggle to understand their own feelings. Social media often makes them compare themselves to others and feel they must seem ‘OK’. At the same time, school, family problems, and pressure from friends can make teens feel alone or misunderstood.”

If you are a teenager who is struggling, or you’re concerned about a child’s well-being, reach out to Sadag to seek help.

You can contact Sadag’s Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567 or send an SMS to 31393 for a counsellor to call you back.

Sowetan