Tertiary institutions have started with half-year exams, and some of the steps parents can take to help their children manage anxiety during this period include knowing the difference between becoming an emotional anchor than a tutor and learning not to pressurise children but to focus on effort rather than results.
Educational psychologist Rivendri Govender says the exam period “comes with high pressure, uncertainty, and expectations all at once”.
For your child and many others out there, exams may feel like a measure of their intelligence or future success, says Govender.
“And those [measures] raise the emotional state significantly. Students feel the fear of disappointing their parents and the fear of letting themselves down.
“In our country, we’re faced with the reality that many students, especially those in tertiary institutions, are probably the first persons in their family to go to a tertiary institution. That is an intense amount of pressure and they feel that weight, especially around exam season.”
Govender says exam anxiety affects children differently. “They may start to be irritable or may present as very tearful,” she says.
“Mentally, this stress impacts their concentration. They struggle to retain information. Their working memory becomes impaired. Their short-term memory becomes impacted and that leads to difficulties in terms of decision making.
“Ironically, it makes them study harder because sometimes, they may feel like they need to study for extended periods of time and not take breaks, not realising that a break is actually beneficial...”
Govender says when a person is anxious, they may have constant stomach pain, not realising that it’s a result of them feeling overwhelmed by the exams.
“As a parent, you need to be your child’s emotional anchor. You don’t need to be their tutor. Yes, you will assist them with academic support where needed, but your primary role is to be there safely,” she says.
“There are some practical ways in which you can create that calm and a supportive environment. Keep the routine predictable and structured, something that they’re used to. Anything out of routine throws the individual’s nervous system a curveball.
“Focus on effort rather than their results. Acknowledge the amount of effort that the child is putting into preparing for their exams, don’t compare them to other individuals...”
Govender says something as simple as telling your child that you have noticed how much effort they’re putting into their work can help them. “[Saying] I’m proud of you for that can really go a long way,” says Govender.
“It can validate for that individual how much they’re actually doing to benefit themselves when it comes to the exams. Also try to avoid the constant reminders or pressures. [Saying] ‘Don’t forget, you need to do this, or don’t forget you’ve got an exam tomorrow’ can increase the stress the child is already experiencing,” she warns.
“[It is] different for a younger child who’s in primary school and doing exams for the first time. They may need the constant reminders, but it needs to be very timed.
“A parent’s duty should be to encourage regular breaks, separate them from their study environment. Ensure that they are [taking] their meals and they’re eating correctly, they’re getting adequate sleep. Ensure that they take a break, they need their minds to decompress so that they can actually adequately consume the material that they need to prepare for the next exam.”
She says it may be difficult to pinpoint what your child is feeling, especially the younger ones. “Have direct conversations when you start to notice some of these warning signs, engage in conversations about your day. But for the older [children] be cognisant of your child’s or your teenager’s temperament, those emotional outbursts or that emotional withdrawal. When you ask them about their day and they give you the one-word answers... The sleep problems become one of the foremost factors.”
Govender gives tips to help children balance school, sleep and self-care:
Studying: Studying for three hours without a break versus studying for 45 minutes with a 15-minute break. You have to decide which one is actually going to give you a more positive outcome. We need to understand that rest is productive. That is how the brain consolidates learning.
During break: Go outside, do a chore or engage in a daily activity that is completely unrelated to your study or your exam, so that you can come back with a fresh perspective, feeling very rejuvenated.
Younger children: As a parent to a young individual who’s learning these study techniques, engage in that with them. Encourage, find out what helps them concentrate in class and translate that to their study environment [at home].
Breathing: When anxiety is high, the brain switches into survival mode. It feels like everything that is unimportant needs to be shut off and that the only need is to protect the body in order to survive. Breathing is a natural technique that is used to help the brain calm down.
Building your self-confidence in an exam: Answer the easier questions first. This gives you the confidence to tackle the more difficult questions.
